Boston

Wow. Just, wow.

How does that happen? In the sense of, why? Of course at this point there are, and maybe there never will be, no answers to that question. But hearing about the explosions/bombings hits so close to home; I mean that could have been us. In the sense that so many times have Antonio and I stood at that finish line, with hundreds of others, cheering on strangers while watching for Albert to come in to view. So many people cheer the runners on. It is part of the fun of going, seeing other people conquer such a big feat. For some, it is practically old habit, for some though, it is their first race and they are so exhausted yet so proud. The energy at the finish line is so contagiously euphoric and emotional. It really is.

Last November, Albert ran his first full marathon. Antonio and I got there way to early. We got to see the half marathons finish and the start of the full runners cross. We were not the only ones that were there early; there were plenty of people that were there as long as we were. Like a few reports I have read said, around the 4-4.5 hour mark is when the majority of the full runners start to cross and when the spectator volume starts to increase. Its generally when the not-so-serious runners cross. The ones that have more family and friends there to cheer them on. It becomes a fun and happy family event.

That is when this "bomber" set of these explosions. They knew that was when the bigger crowds, runners and spectators, would be there; they knew. That is what is so scary. It wasn't some freak "bomber" that randomly set them off; this person(s) knew the best time. Spectators are so focused on the runners and finding "their" person before they cross that they are almost unaware of all the people around them. You are most certainly not expecting a bomb to go off.

They say the running community is a tight knit community and I believe it. I am not a marathon runner but I run. I know how hard it can be to keep running even when you want to stop yet you keep going. However, I can't begin to know how hard running a half, let alone full marathon is.  In case you aren't familiar with the Boston Marathon, you have to run a certain amount of "qualifying" races in good times order to run the Boston. Just anyone can't just sign up for it. These runners have worked/trained so hard for so long to be able to run it. I see how hard Albert trains for his half's and full's and I know it is even harder to qualify for the Boston race. So these people are good runners. To run 26 miles only to have a bomb go off right at the finish, to be re-routed away from the finish line or worse, lose a limb after all that work would be so incredibly devastating. Forget the fact a bomb(s) really did go off just those other reasons alone; I can't even imagine. It just yanked at my heart strings similar to Sandy Hook yet in such a different way.

Then there are the spectators, family members and friends, even complete strangers that show up just to cheer on and support the runners that have also been seriously hurt. The 8 year old who died. Man; it is all to much to fathom. Again, that could have been us. That could happen at any race. I can't even; I don't even want to wrap my head around that. Albert and I are both a bit traumatized by this tragedy for the same and yet different reasons.  Albert already mentioned he's not sure he wants Antonio and I to be a the finish line of his next race where I am not sure I even want him running another race. However, we can not live in fear because yes, it could happen to us. But we could also be killed in a car collision but we still drive.

A side note: For some reason I am bothered by all the "Pray for Boston" stuff. Yes, pray for Boston as a city and for all the people that live there but a lot of the people there are not from Boston, let alone the US. Pray for Boston and everyone involved. Pray for all the children that were there to merely cheer on their Mom or Dad and know have witnessed a horrific event. All that blood, screaming, loud noises and God forbid, random limbs. That would haunt me for awhile imagine an innocent kid. I am so thankful again, that Antonio is to young to have to talk to him about this. If he knew or comprehended any of this, he would be so scared to have Albert run a race.

It still shakes me a bit though and I am sure it will be very much on my mind at Albert's next race. I will maybe be a bit more aware of my surroundings than normal and hold Antonio a bit closer at the finish line but we will be there. I still wouldn't miss it. On my next run (hopefully tomorrow), I will run with all those runners and spectators (hurt physically and/or emotionally) heavily on my mind and be extremely grateful that I have both my feet and legs to be able to run on.

So pray for Boston and everyone involved.

Anniversary weekend

March 27th 2004 I got married.

That was 9 years ago and trust me, there were a few times I thought for sure we wouldn't make it nine years let alone another day. But sure enough we fought for "us" and luckily we won! :) We are going on our tenth year and I would like to say we are better than we have even been!

About a month or two ago Albert asked if we had plans for our anniversary and of course at that point we didn't. So he asked if he could plan it and I anxiously agreed. He asked my parents if Antonio could stay the night with them and of course they agreed. So Albert planned an overnight in Seattle for he and I so we could "just spend time with each other" as he put it.

It was so good; one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. We stayed downtown on the waterfront, about a block or two down from Pike Place. It was perfect. We walked all around downtown and even did a bit of shopping. It was so nice to do things at our speed, on our terms. It felt so good to "reconnect" and spend solid quality time together; we needed it. We missed Antonio so much but we knew he was having a good time with my parents (and he was). It reminded me of how very happy and thankful I am that I married him. I am so blessed to have both of them in my life.

Life is good....for now. Ha.

Part time girl in a full time job

Starting April 1st I will be officially part time at work! But only by chance. 

This better NOT be a April Fools day joke.

As of April 1st the Burlington branch is closing and both employees that work at that location are losing their jobs...or maybe not. That's where I jump in. As you know I have been looking for a part time job that will give us enough income to be stable yet also allow me to stay home more with Antonio. As soon as I heard the news about the branch closing the wheels started turning. 

"I could work PT and the other guy, Manny, could work the other half of the day"

The more I got excited about the thought of it the more reality set in. Why would Manny agree to that? He is just about at retirement age and could just ride out unemployment and within a year retire. That would consist of him driving an hour (probably closer to 2) each way to work just for part time hours. Heck, I doubt I would even consider that. Does he like his job that much? But I had to try.

I casually messaged him to tell him I was sorry about the branch closing and asked him if he would just retire. He said he still really wanted to work. I asked him, "badly enough to drive to Mukilteo for work?" And to my surprise he said, "possibly." That was all the bait I needed to attempt to put my plan in action. We chatted a few more min about a possible plan that would keep his job and I could only work part time. I emailed our boss with our thoughts and he proposed it to upper management. To our surprise they agreed to it with only a few "issues". One being health insurance. They would not pay for both of but of course, that was ok because I get benefits through Albert's work. Phew. Also, we wouldn't get as much vacation time next year. Ok, fine. And sick pay would change, somewhat significantly but with working less hours that would be ok to. And no more shared work benefits through the state...boo but I figured that.

So Manny created a job share type schedule where I will work Monday/Tuesday and half day Wednesday and he will work the other half of Wednesday and then Thursday/Fridays! Then in September we will switch our work days so I can take Antonio to preschool! So he and I will fulfill a full time position as two part timers. And who know with that branch closing we may be busier this Summer and need a little extra help so that would come in handy!

I am beyond excited about this. :) Funny thing is, so is Manny. He claims that I am his hero and that i am saving his job when in reality he is helping me! Its a win-win! Lets just hope this all works out as we hope it will and that we stay busy enough through next Winter that we can make it work then as well. Next Christmas could be rough! Money will be a bit tighter, especially at first until we get used to it but in my opinion, so worth it. 

Now all my "idea's" I've been wanting to try/do with Antonio and all the little DIY stuff around the house may actually happen! I am also thrilled Antonio will get to go to preschool in the Fall. I am so excited for him! Now if we could find a way so Antonio didn't have to attend daycare as well we would be coming out on top! I know, one thing at a time. If that is meant to be I have to believe it will happen; after all this did! Keep praying (or sending good vibes, your choice) that it will all work out!

Stuck in a rut

Running has been hard for me lately. Hard like it takes major mental convincing to get dressed to go run. And maybe a little bit a fear of not running and its side effects. When I do convince myself to run its a hard run. I get tired quickly, my breathing is much quicker and I just want to be done; like how I felt when I first started to run. I'm not sure why this is but it's frustrating. And that "runners high" that you get when your done...not so high lately. :/  What's even more strange is that I have been incorporating more veggies into my diet. Red pepper, carrots and cucumber to be exact. Almost everyday with lunch. So I am eating better yet feeling worse and more blah. Before you start to wonder, Mom, no I am not pregnant. I just get done with my period last week so in fact I should be feeling better.

Ever since we got back from California I have felt out of sorts. Tired, frustrated, emotional, mopey and just really not caring. :/ I chalked it up to PMS for the first week or so but that has come and gone and I'm still not feeling better. Then I started wondering if this SAD, Seasonal Affect Disorder, was a real thing (I know it's real but I'm pretty sure I've never "had" it). I mean I went from sunny and warm California to dark, dreary rainy days. Usually us PNWers are eased into the gloom and doom of Fall and Winter. But I went from low 70's and sun to low to mid 40's and clouds/rain. I don't know but maybe I got a little slice of SAD.

Or maybe it was the passing of my Aunt, that by the way I never did go see (major regret once again. one excuses after another.)? Then missing her funeral because I was in California. Maybe missing out on all of that bothered me more than I realize. As terrible as this sounds, it would have been an "easy" way to see a lot of that side of my family that I haven't seen in years, for most the number is double digit. :(

Or maybe this whole Preschool thing is weighing on me more that I realize? All Antonio talks about is going to a new preschool and I can't give that to him.

Or maybe it's the fact I still haven't found a part time job that meets my needs (they are pretty specific I will admitt) so I can stay home with Antonio...and take him to Preschool? I don't know.

Side note:
And by the way, for all those people that don't have jobs and say there aren't any.....I call BULL S%*T.  There are so many entry level jobs out there. I get call backs on ones that can only offer me minimum wage that I turn down because I need more than that. This whole, there are no jobs thing is ridiculous. If you are out of a job and have no income put aside your pride and get a job. Geez.

Ok, moving on....

Or maybe it is all of that combined (minus the "there are no jobs" rant.)? But it sucks. I've lost my "desire to run" feeling and I need it back because I've never been good at sticking with something I really don't like doing.  C'mon Spring and sunnier days. No matter if that is part of cause of this or not it wouldn't hurt!

You know your a runner when...

You know your a runner when you notice the days are getting longer (hence it stays lighter longer). I'm not excited because it means Summer is coming, but that is means I will soon be able to come home an run...outside!! I so prefer to run outside rather than a treadmill. So when driving home from swimming tonight around 6, I noticed it was light enough to be able to possibily finishing a run, outside. I became excited, very excited. Maybe in a couple weeks I'll be running outside, at home, after work again. I cannot wait!

I've never been good with death.

It's true.

But then again who is?

You'd think I'd have it down with losing my Dad, and both sets of Grandparents. But you see I'm not. In fact if you tell me you are terminally ill or are dying I will stay far away. In fact I most likely will subconsciously find reason not to see you. So don't take it personally. ;)

When my Dad was dying I remember refusing to go in his room to see him. I remember refusing to go in and just crying outside his room. Apparently it took a McDonalds bribe to get me to go in, and even then I wasn't very willing.  He and I sat together and enjoyed his favorite, french fries dipped in a chocolate milkshake. Mmm mmm, so good; don't knock it until you try it! It was the last time I ever saw him, in fact I was told he passed away shortly after that. I guess he needed that and so did I. I just didn't know it then. Granted I was like, 11, but still, he was my Dad and he was dying. The least I could have done was spend time with him. I completely and wholeheartedly regret that.

Then my Grandpa died a few years ago. We knew it was coming yet there was always a reason I couldn't go see him. Next my Grandma passed away right after Antonio was born. Again, we knew it was going to happen. In fact, for a good week before she passed I was "meaning" to go see her but never made time. Again, full of regret. :(  I always seem to distant myself from death, even just the near possibility of death. I guess if I don't see the person "dying" then it isn't happening and wont happen. They just "go away"for a long time. :/

My Aunt Barbara, who is my Dad's sister, has been in the hospital the past couple weeks due to an infection that is on her mitral valve in her heart. She had an infection that was wrapped around her spinal cord but they did surgery to remove that. They can't remove the one on her valve because she hasn't been strong enough. She has in turn, had couple strokes because of it, in fact it looks like another one just this week. The most recent update from my cousin Sheri, is that the infection has spread throughout her body and brain. Her body is trying to "fix itself" and her kidneys are starting to shut down.  She has a DNR (do not resuscitate) on her medical records if it comes to it.  The doctors put her on a morphine drip to keep her comfortable, by her choice. Apparently she understands what is going on and "is tried of fighting. She is ready."

This makes me so sad. I haven't seen my aunt since my baby shower and before that? I have no idea. But for some reason I feel the need to go see her. Weird I know, considering it doesn't sound good for her. But she's my Aunt and I should. Also, maybe because she is my Dad's sister and it would be some sort of connection to him. I have no idea. (Ever since Antonio was born I have craved information, stories anything more about my Dad.) She's been so out of it and sleeping so much having visitors hasn't really been a good idea. There is a good chance she wouldn't even know who I was, but I still feel compelled to see her, even if only for 5 min.

I'm not sure how I feel/think about what happens after we die but if there is a party afterwards I'm pretty sure she will see my Dad. Its that connection to him that is maybe why I feel the need to see her.  So she can tell him that I love him and miss him terribly; every single day. And that I am ok. That actually sounds like a pretty selfish reason to want to see her....

Please pray my Aunt fights this, gets out of the hospital and continues to live for many years. Also, pray for my cousin Sheri who has been there for her, my Aunt, and kept us so well updated. This has to be so hard on her as well.

Proud

I had a proud of me moment.

I had a dr. appointment last week, just a general physical. The nurse took all my stats and all were good. Yay. Then the doctor came in and after the "pleasantries" (hi, how are you, how are you doing etc) she said, " Do you exercise?" and I thought, of geez, yeah, I know I need to do more, blah, blah, blah. It is what I always get told, always. And yes, I know it's their job to gently, some more gently than others,  remind us all to exercise. But it gets old and I have always heard about how I should.

However, this time it was good.

I responded, "Yes, I try to.  I try to run at least a couple miles a couple times a week." She then, by my surprise, said, "I can tell. You have lost 11lbs since last time you were here." I was last there October 2011 (I was a bit overdue for my appointment). Sure enough, the few times I had been in and weighed in between showed my progress as well. And since September 25th, 2012 ( I had started really running that August) I have lost 7lbs! I was pretty proud of myself. I guess she was asking to make sure I wasn't on crack or something. Granted if I were I would have lost a lot more. Ha! So instead of telling me to exercise more she said, "Keep it up." :) Then since she couldn't lecture me on exercising she told me I should make sure I am eating healthy diet. If its not one thing its another!

But still.

I was feeling pretty good about that. It helped kick start my desire to keep running. I want to keep losing or at least maintain what I have already done! For me, continuously losing for a year is impressive! I gotta lace up those running shoes and Go!  :)