a better me

It's probably been at least 10 years since "getting out there".

No, not in the sense of dating but meeting new people, friends, other women.

I mention women specifically only because while I worked at MM I met a lot of new people but 99% of them were men, older men. Not the good looking, rich kind either...

I digress.

I was comfortably stuck in my rut of being around and socializing with men. And boy are they entertaining, anti social and often very dramatic. They are just like women just not as critical of each other. Ha.

I promise, this is not a post about men.

Again, I digress.

As you all know, since leaving MM I have had the opportunity to meet other moms and become involved with the PTSA and they are 99% women and my age. You'd think that would be a nice change and in a lot of ways it is but yet so much the same. Happily the topics of conversations have changed and there is a lot less cursing. In turn I have met a few really great women, moms. Theres a couple that stand out, they are amazing people.

Without sounding creepy and stalkerish, even though it will, I want to be around them. I want Antonio to be around their kids; I want to be in their lives and vice versa. Being around them makes me want to be a better women, mom, wife and friend.

Ok, yup. That sounded weird. But these women are amazingly strong women who appear to have it all. Even when they claim to be going crazy they still appear to have it all together.

It's almost like working at MM made me care less about myself in the sense, I only half cared about how I looked and what people thought of me. With the lack of appreciation, especially at the end, made me only want to put in half the effort. The people around me were either mostly twice my age, drunk (yes, a lot of guys came in clearly intoxicated all while trying to act normal), high or weren't worth my energy. Sounds depressing, yes but for the most part I loved these guys. It made that part of the job less stressful. I had zero "competition". :)

Now being around other women, I care more about my appearance and how I present myself.  These couple women, without knowing it, have influenced me to want to be a better version of myself.

Birthdays

Some call us December birthdays.

Others call us Christmas birthdays. Either way sucks.

When I was younger having a birthday two days after Christmas, yes, TWO DAYS, sucked because most people would casually "forget" my birthday and lump them together to just give me one gift. As a kid that really sucked. Some people would be great about it and gave me gifts for both, thank you and my younger self really thanks you for that! :)

When I was in Jr. High and High School, maybe even earlier, I asked my mom if we could celebrate my birthday in June for my half birthday. Surprisingly she was ok with that. Then she told me I'd have to skip a birthday and wait until June came around to celebrate. I knew there would be a catch. So of course when it came time to "skip" my birthday, I wanted no part of it. It was fun to celebrate with friends with all the festivities still going and everything still on and decorated for Christmas. I remember going to Seattle and going ice skating at Seattle Center a few different years. It was always the same core group of friends and they knew my birthday was right after Christmas so it was already planned that they would be around. It also helped none of us ever went away for the holidays.

Then I got a little older and didn't need all the gifts but appreciated the option of one big gift.  Now, as I am older I dread it for a few reasons.

One. I am getting older...

Two. When people ask what I'd like for my birthday, I just don't know. It's hard enough to come up with ideas for Christmas but then to be asked for my birthday right away, I just don't know.

And three. What would I like to do for my birthday? I'm tired, I don't necessarily want to do anything. Maybe just stay in my pjs and get takeout. Ha! As an introvert who also struggles with anxiety I don't want to have to be "on" any more. Two straight days of going and being "on" is hard enough. Come to me and bring the love, and takeout (and wine). But know I may be in my pjs or cozy clothes and not ready or wanting to go anywhere.

With my Mom being over here (Mill Creek) now she asked if we'd like to go to their house for my birthday. It is nice to not have to clean up for them to come here but having to go there, or anywhere isn't on top of my list. And with the Seahawks playing, let me just lay on the couch and stare at the TV. Or something similar. Happily, my mom said we could come before the game started and said it was ok to come in our pjs. Yay! And I did just that, well my fat pants and cozy top. :) A plus of not staying home was that my mess of a house wasn't staring at me all day! Too bad the Seahawks lost, but happily it started to snow late afternoon through when we left tonight! No, nothing sticking really but fun to see.

Happy birthday to all of you December/Christmas birthday babies! The struggle is real, isn't it?! Ha. Thank you to all of you who took the time to send birthday wishes, I so appreciate them and you.

Thankful

I am thankful for so much.

I am thankful for my health, I know, I know, everybody says that; but it is true. I battle anxiety pretty badly and it tends to hold me back from a lot but over all, I am healthy and so are my boys. As many of you know I am about to turn 38 and that is about the age when my Dad was really getting sick. Thats been weighing heavily on me lately and again, another reason to be thankful for my health. I have it and get to continue to watch Antonio grow up and live my life with Albert. So thankful. Which leads to being so thankful, well grateful is a better word, to having my Mom healthy and living closer. (Thankful for no ferry lines this year too. :))

I am also thankful to be able to able to stay home with Antonio. It is something I have wanted to do from day one and I wasn't sure I would ever get to, but thanks to Albert working so incredibly hard for us, I can. It has been so rewarding. I get to have breakfast with Antonio and walk to the bus stop with him every morning and then be there when he gets off the bus and comes running to me. Now that I am working so much, maybe to much, with the PTSA at school,  I get to see him periodically through the day and that makes us both so happy! I am one lucky Mama!

That leads to my next thing; the PTSA. Yes, I am actually thankful for finding it and joining it. It has consumed my life right now and I have done none the things I was looking forward to doing once becoming a stay at home mom but I enjoy it. It gets me dressed and out of the house pretty much every day! :) I have also met an amazing group of ladies that I know I would have never met otherwise.

Last but not least, I am so thankful for Albert. He works so hard for Antonio and I and has been so patient with me while I try to find balance between the PTSA and trying get all the things done at home. We are so lucky to have him in our lives.

Balance

Balance is so hard to find. I thought staying home with Antonio would give me so much time to do so much I have been wanting (and needing) to do. Before leaving MM, all the guys kept asking, "What are you going to do with all your time" and my reply always was, "I plan on getting involved with Antonio's school and getting my honey-do list done". I had no idea, really. I knew I'd volunteer in his class and school but I was looking forward to having no real obligation to anyone.

Then I joined the PTSA. 

Now I am finding myself always at school between volunteering in his class and helping with the PTSA. I've had a good time so far with the PTSA and have met some awesome ladies who I hope become actual friends with. It's been a long time since I've had a some real girlfriends to "hang out" with. Lame, I know. I have my girlfriends but in reality, they all live just far enough away that we rarely see each other, especially after having kids. Between the distance and my anxiety; it plain sucks and I miss them! 

I am, as well as my house and husband,  in need of finding balance with the PTSA and everything else. I find I spend 4-5 days at school and for most of the day. Many days, I am quickly leaving school just to make it home in time to meet Antonio's bus. My house is a mess, laundry is getting done at random times and never done all at once. Oye. What happened to all that time I thought I was going to have? I have to try cut back on my PTSA time to be able to find time for everything else. Happily, events and other PTSA work slows down after the new year but in the mean time I have to try to cut back, and not feel guilty about it. Thankfully, we are getting more volunteers show up as the year progresses and hopefully that continues to be the case so I don't feel like I do have to be there as much. Like the say, "many hands make light work". So true. 

For the past year or so there has just been 2 core PTSA ladies doing all the work and I'm not sure how they did it an still get it all done. However, now that there are a few more of us we are trying to find easy ways to earn money for the PTSA. We have found a couple ways and are in process of one other. We currently have enrolled in Amazon Associates and Targets REDcard "Take charge of Education".  The Amazon Associates lets you use your Smile Amazon's charity you may already use and adds that to the link. You can use this link to make your purchases. It should take you to Amazon and using your charity you have chosen already. If you don't already have a charity, may I suggest Childrens Law Center of Washington Ps. Its a nonprofit founded by my stepbrother to provide low cost attorney services for help find permanence for foster children. Or Liberty Adoption Advocates. This is also a nonprofit that my stepsister is the founder of that provides financial assistance for families to adopt. Both are amazing charities to contribute to. If you have any issues using this link, please let me know. I have specific instructions that I can give you on how to add your "smile" charity to our link, basically go here, once there change the first part of the address to smile.amazon.com, from just amazon.com and leave the rest. Just please make sure "Code=sl2&tag=sunnyselemen-20" is still in the long web address; that how we get credit! If you for whatever reason don't want to use the smile amazon version, you can use this link which is just for the regular Amazon. 

Please bookmark this Amazon link or the other and use it for all of your Amazon shopping. We, the PTSA, can earn 4 - 8% back on all purchases and there is nothing you need to do but your normal shopping on Amazon through that link. The link is also on the right of this blog in case you need to come back to use it. The more money can earn for Antonio's school, the more fun events we can host and the more money we can give back to the teachers and school! 

Target REDcard's Take Charge for Education is just as easy. Just go here to link up your REDcard debit or credit card version to our school, Sunnyside Elementary, our school ID is 105887. Target gives up to 1% back to us. Again, all you have to do is link up your REDcard to our school and continue shopping at Target. Both in store and online works.

So there are two very easy ways to help support Antonio's school! It just takes a few minutes to link each up. I'd really, really appreciate it if you did; so much money that can be earned without you spending an extra penny! Do it now before you forget to and start your holiday shopping too! :) If you have any questions or trouble doing this, let me know! Thank you to those of you who link up!

I am still loving being at home with Antonio and all the extra time we've had. Hevloves it when he sees me at school throughout the day and is loving it even more when he gets to help out with events we host at school. I have no intentions to stop helping at school because we both, Antonio and I, love it! I just need to be/feel more balanced. So please, in the meantime, send me "balancing" thoughts. 

Chapter three.

*I've had a few people ask how my first week as a stay-at-home Mom is going. And in short its awesome!!

Chapter 3.

At least thats what it seems.

To recap, chapter 1 was having Antonio and being able to stay home with him for 9 months before returning to work. I am incredibly grateful for that. Sure, all he mostly did was eat, poop/pee, sleep and cry but that infant time is/was so precious and you never get that back.

Chapter 2 was going back to work and putting him in daycare. We were lucky enough to find good daycares, yes we had to change daycares 3 times for different reasons for him. Each one, except maybe the last, (it was good but was glad to not have him there long) was a good fit for where he was in age. The first one, he was at from 9 months to about 18 months so he was mainly just crawling around and exploring; it was a good fit and the other kids there were similar in age. The second one, he was about 18 months to just this summer and was much more structured and school like. Lots of learning play with circle time where they did calendar, the weather and reading. It was perfect for him getting him prepped for school. I couldn't have imagined a better place for him to be at for that part of his life. The 3rd and most recent place, wasn't bad just not as good as the other two places. There was a LOT of tv time. Antonio came home talking about things he wanted that he'd seen on tv there. We think there was more attention to the smaller kids, which is good and needed but, then the older kids were free to do whatever, whenever including tv watching, all the time.

Then onto chapter 3, the present.

As you all know, as of August 28th I became a SAHM. After the week with Antonio I am really wishing we could have done this earlier but home refinancing and other things kept us from doing that. I am just grateful for the week and a half with him before school starts. I feel like I am already more "present" in his life. There's also been a couple times where he's told me to, "slow down, don't be in a hurry" because, "the faster we go the less time I get to spend with you and I like spending time with you". I'm not sure how accurate that is or where he got that but I got the hint both times.  I'm trying to learn to take my time, slow down and "smell the flowers". I don't have "go to work" so theres minimal rush to get things done. :) That part is great.

Going forward, I will be first and foremost Antonio's Mama. I can't wait to be there at the bus stop after school to hear about his day. I'm also looking forward to being a volunteer in Antonio's class this year, hoping to on a regular basis. We'll have to find a good routine for after school as far as homework, downtime and playtime. I am sure we'll have to try a few different things before we find the right one for both us.

While he is at school there are so many things I have put on my own "honey-do" list. Everything from cleaning, to organizing, to throwing clutter out, to just basics like getting new pictures in our frames on the walls. I also hope to find time to refocus on me. Finding time to get back into an exercise routine, finding something(s) to do in my community that I like and makes me feel good. Albert's schedule will change (weekends off again) starting the end of this month which will also mean we will get more time as a family and that he and I will get more time together too!

There will be some adjustments in the coming weeks as far as routine, expectations, money spending and just plain old spending time together, because let's be honest, we were rarely spending time as a whole family and now suddenly having a lot more time together may take an adjustment! :) I'm already seeing my anxiety levels stay lower too. I'm sure I will see them rise again next week leading up to the start of school but thats expected. :)

I am looking forward to finding our groove together and spending more time together!

Change can be good.

We are about to have a big (good) change in our family.

No I am not pregnant.

August 28th, I will be a stay at home Mom!

Eek!

We have refinanced our home and will be saving some money with that, enough that, without paying for daycare and not working it will be similar to when I worked part time. This is a big change for us and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about it but it will be for the best; for all of us. I do realize that starting in September Antonio will be going to school all day, so you may wonder what the point is. Well, I really enjoyed volunteering in his class the few times I did last year and hope to become a regular volunteer this coming year in his class. I really liked knowing what he was learning, what he was expected to do (and really could do) and who his friends were. I look forward to that again. I am also looking forward to being more involved in his life. Now, I feel like I drop him at daycare, go to work, come home, eat dinner then put him to bed. It's not quite to that bad but practically and I feel badly for it. I look forward to having more quality time as a family too. Right now, Albert and I have different days off and that sucks. I also hope to look into finding something/somewhere I can volunteer while Antonio is at school, get more involved in my community. As my outside salesman, who also hired me, told me, "you have so many skills that are wasted working here (MMCO). Find something your heart likes to do and do it now that you have the chance.". His compliments are rare, but when they happen, they are good ones. :) So thats what I hope to do. Also, I'll have no excuse for not running!

Over the past year I have become more and more unhappy at my job. Anywhere from feeling very unappreciated from my boss to lack of a pay raise (in 6+ years!) and benefits to just completely being frustrated with the way things work. I love working with the group of guys (and 2 gals in our other building) at my location; they are like family to me. A very dysfunctional family but I'll miss them so much, even the two newer guys. :) As most of you know, I tend to be pretty emotional. While telling one paticular co-worker Wednesday about my resignation I found myself fighting back the tears. I was so nervous to tell him and it makes me incredibly sad to know that I will not be seeing him on a regular basis. He and I have worked together for about 8 years. This group of guys mean so much to me, they make me laugh so hard while also making me so frustrated. :) I know for a fact I would have never met any of these guys if it weren't for Mutual and for that I am grateful. I have worked there for 12 years as of September, so it will be very bittersweet on that last day. The daily sh!t throwing has already started; it will be a long 4 weeks. Ha.

On the flip side, I have already felt the "release of stress" from knowing I won't have to be there everyday. Since I respect and care so much for these guys, I constantly stress and have anxiety over missing work due to illness, whether it be myself or Antonio, or wanting to take a day off. It was a constant tug of war with my heart. Now I know if Antonio is sick or something comes up that I want to be at, I can be. That alone is such a great feeling.

This will be an adjustment for us but I know we will make it work and soon find our groove. Albert has already said he's excited to not have to stress over what to make for dinner. Haha. I have such a good guy! We won't get to splurge as much as we do now and the essential oil monthly shipments will be stopped and stitch fix boxes will be not as often as well as some other things but it's all worth it.

So please send us good vibes over the next couple months that I am able to finish out my time at work without to much grief from the guys (yeah right!) and that we find our groove sooner than later. I am looking forward to our next chapter and being a Mama and wife first!

Stitch Fix #3

They say, 3rd times a charm.

They also say, the more specific feedback and requests you give, the better the "fix".

Both are true in my most recent fix and is the best one yet! In fact, I am tempted to keep it all for a couple reasons. For one, I love all the items, they are all very comfy and casual enough, yet nice enough that I could wear them no matter what I am doing or where I am going. The other reason being if I keep them all I get a 25% discount off the total. To give you an idea that would be, in this particular fix, the discounted dollar amount $74, plus my $20 styling fee that goes towards what I buy. So almost $100 or getting 2 (and a half) items for free, FREE! Or it balances every item out to be about $40 which because I have 2 items that are on the expensive side makes it even more tempting.

I really do like/love all the items except for 1 and another could maybe go up a size, maybe. So I just don't know what to do. If I only keep the items I really like, 2 for sure and maybe 3, I am spending almost half of the total I would spend if I kept all of them. Oye. Do you see my dilemma?! I'd appreciate any feedback you have!

So moving on to what I got. I just had a good feeling when I opened the box and saw the snippets of what was inside.

First up is Fun2Fun Baker Split Neck Blouse. 

Its a good fit and I really like the colors but I am not 100% on the pattern. However, while trying on and showing each item to Albert he said he really liked this one which means it couldn't have been so bad. 

Verdict. I'm not sure yet. I'd love to keep it but if some items have to go this could be one of them.

Next. Mavi Sonja Boyfriend Jean. 

Man, these jeans are amazing, so comfortable and soft, yes, soft. I made Albert feel them and he even said, "wow, nice". They are are perfect length and fit through my legs great, (do you hear the but coming...) but they are a lower waistline and a tiny bit snug which in turn gives me a slight muffin top. (ahhh, nooooooooo!) They do have spandex in them so I think they might stretch and be fine but its been so friggin' hot here yesterday and today that I can't bear to wear them around the house to see if they do. They are also my most expensive item, by far. Insert my dilemma, keep everything they drop to about $40 and then its an even better pair of jeans. :)  Also, its June and if the summer stays like the past two days have been weather wise I do not need another pair of jeans. BUT...they are so soft and with wearing jeans to work everyday it would be nice to have a pair that weren't for work. Hmmmm.....

Verdict. Undecided. Honestly, if I don't keep it all, I think they will go back. Between the snug waistline, price and its summer, I can't justify keeping them if I don't keep everything else. 

Next up. Out From The Kloth Callie Denim Jacket. 

I can't say enough about this one. I love it, plain and simple. I pretty much knew as soon as I put it on it was staring here with me! It fits like a glove, no joke, almost as if it was made for me. It too, is so soft and cozy. Like the jeans it has a bit of spandex in it to keep it soft and moveable versus stiff like most denim is. I can see myself wearing this all the time. In fact when Antonio and went to Target this morning I wore it there. Love, love, love it! I didn't know I needed it until today! 

Verdict. Who cares if it is Summer, I'll be wearing this thing all the time! Keep!!!!

Next up is THML Kahlo Short Sleeve Knit Top.  

I also really liked this one as soon as I put it on. It's cotton so very comfortable and thin, but not cheap thin. It has that cut where it is shorter in the frot and longer in the back but I like it a lot! Its a different style for me, one that I most likely would not try on at a store but turns out I really like it. 

 (see the front versus back length)

(sorry all my pictures seem so dark. :( )

Verdict. Keep. I can see myself wearing this through Fall and Winter too. 

Last but no least. Market & Spruce Amberley Cut Out Detail Knit Top.  

I wasn't sure about this one because of the horizontal stripes but the back is so cute. When I put it on, I thought my eyes were tripping out. I walked out to show Albert and he said he didn't like it because it was hard to look at. Ha. I was glad it wasn't just me. Its almost like it is to busy or something. It is also more on the very fitted side than I am comfortable with, please ignore the middle extra tire section. :/ Right there is motivation to get out and run/walk again...

(so unflattering. ugh.)

Verdict. Sending back. The main reason anything goes back... So sad because I really, really like everything else. Part of me is trying to figure a reason to keep it, which is also why I shouldn't. Keeping it would bring the average cost way down. Assuming I send it back, means I really can't keep everything else; its way more than I should spend. Sigh.

So all in all, I loved this fix. The first couple were great but I'm learning what I like and want and what I don't like. Each fix that gets scheduled I am getting more and more specific. I also really like my stylist this time; Jordan. I may even request her again. They say you can do that so I may have to try. I am still loving Stitch Fix and would highly recommend it. Shopping with a 5 year old is a pain and so hard. Heck, I don't even know what is in fashion anymore, so having Stitch Fix send me clothes that I know are in fashion and fit is amazing! I love it. Did you know Birkenstocks are back?! At least Target is selling them like they are... who knew?! 

If you decide you want to try it out, you so should, let me know I will send you a friend referral code to use or just use this one HERE. If you use my code it gives me credit! :)