You know your a runner when...

You know your a runner when you notice the days are getting longer (hence it stays lighter longer). I'm not excited because it means Summer is coming, but that is means I will soon be able to come home an run...outside!! I so prefer to run outside rather than a treadmill. So when driving home from swimming tonight around 6, I noticed it was light enough to be able to possibily finishing a run, outside. I became excited, very excited. Maybe in a couple weeks I'll be running outside, at home, after work again. I cannot wait!

I've never been good with death.

It's true.

But then again who is?

You'd think I'd have it down with losing my Dad, and both sets of Grandparents. But you see I'm not. In fact if you tell me you are terminally ill or are dying I will stay far away. In fact I most likely will subconsciously find reason not to see you. So don't take it personally. ;)

When my Dad was dying I remember refusing to go in his room to see him. I remember refusing to go in and just crying outside his room. Apparently it took a McDonalds bribe to get me to go in, and even then I wasn't very willing.  He and I sat together and enjoyed his favorite, french fries dipped in a chocolate milkshake. Mmm mmm, so good; don't knock it until you try it! It was the last time I ever saw him, in fact I was told he passed away shortly after that. I guess he needed that and so did I. I just didn't know it then. Granted I was like, 11, but still, he was my Dad and he was dying. The least I could have done was spend time with him. I completely and wholeheartedly regret that.

Then my Grandpa died a few years ago. We knew it was coming yet there was always a reason I couldn't go see him. Next my Grandma passed away right after Antonio was born. Again, we knew it was going to happen. In fact, for a good week before she passed I was "meaning" to go see her but never made time. Again, full of regret. :(  I always seem to distant myself from death, even just the near possibility of death. I guess if I don't see the person "dying" then it isn't happening and wont happen. They just "go away"for a long time. :/

My Aunt Barbara, who is my Dad's sister, has been in the hospital the past couple weeks due to an infection that is on her mitral valve in her heart. She had an infection that was wrapped around her spinal cord but they did surgery to remove that. They can't remove the one on her valve because she hasn't been strong enough. She has in turn, had couple strokes because of it, in fact it looks like another one just this week. The most recent update from my cousin Sheri, is that the infection has spread throughout her body and brain. Her body is trying to "fix itself" and her kidneys are starting to shut down.  She has a DNR (do not resuscitate) on her medical records if it comes to it.  The doctors put her on a morphine drip to keep her comfortable, by her choice. Apparently she understands what is going on and "is tried of fighting. She is ready."

This makes me so sad. I haven't seen my aunt since my baby shower and before that? I have no idea. But for some reason I feel the need to go see her. Weird I know, considering it doesn't sound good for her. But she's my Aunt and I should. Also, maybe because she is my Dad's sister and it would be some sort of connection to him. I have no idea. (Ever since Antonio was born I have craved information, stories anything more about my Dad.) She's been so out of it and sleeping so much having visitors hasn't really been a good idea. There is a good chance she wouldn't even know who I was, but I still feel compelled to see her, even if only for 5 min.

I'm not sure how I feel/think about what happens after we die but if there is a party afterwards I'm pretty sure she will see my Dad. Its that connection to him that is maybe why I feel the need to see her.  So she can tell him that I love him and miss him terribly; every single day. And that I am ok. That actually sounds like a pretty selfish reason to want to see her....

Please pray my Aunt fights this, gets out of the hospital and continues to live for many years. Also, pray for my cousin Sheri who has been there for her, my Aunt, and kept us so well updated. This has to be so hard on her as well.

Proud

I had a proud of me moment.

I had a dr. appointment last week, just a general physical. The nurse took all my stats and all were good. Yay. Then the doctor came in and after the "pleasantries" (hi, how are you, how are you doing etc) she said, " Do you exercise?" and I thought, of geez, yeah, I know I need to do more, blah, blah, blah. It is what I always get told, always. And yes, I know it's their job to gently, some more gently than others,  remind us all to exercise. But it gets old and I have always heard about how I should.

However, this time it was good.

I responded, "Yes, I try to.  I try to run at least a couple miles a couple times a week." She then, by my surprise, said, "I can tell. You have lost 11lbs since last time you were here." I was last there October 2011 (I was a bit overdue for my appointment). Sure enough, the few times I had been in and weighed in between showed my progress as well. And since September 25th, 2012 ( I had started really running that August) I have lost 7lbs! I was pretty proud of myself. I guess she was asking to make sure I wasn't on crack or something. Granted if I were I would have lost a lot more. Ha! So instead of telling me to exercise more she said, "Keep it up." :) Then since she couldn't lecture me on exercising she told me I should make sure I am eating healthy diet. If its not one thing its another!

But still.

I was feeling pretty good about that. It helped kick start my desire to keep running. I want to keep losing or at least maintain what I have already done! For me, continuously losing for a year is impressive! I gotta lace up those running shoes and Go!  :)

Caution..potentially to much information...

You were warned. :)

As you know I, we, were sick for about a week so there was no running for about a week and a half. Before that was the holidays and all  the food that goes along with that. I was feeling pretty crappy. I had gone on a good run right after the new year and thought I had started the new year off on a good foot; then we got sick. I wasn't going to let that get in my way; I couldn't.

I went on a couple short runs. I felt so out of breath and shape even though they were my regular route and shorter. That got me discouraged, very discouraged and unmotivated. I went to the gym for a run (on the treadmill) and it pretty much kicked my butt. I forgot how hard it was. And my pants were fitting a little more snug than normal which made me feel even worse. The little bit of running I was doing didn't seem to be helping anything. Then, because I am an emotional eater, I found myself wanting (and eating) sweets; a lot of them. It didn't help that we celebrated 3 birthdays in less than two weeks which meant a lot of cake and well you can't turn down birthday cake; that's just rude. ;)  Well, I can't at least. That just fueled my cravings. :/

I started to feel fat.

I tried drinking more water than my normal amounts and that seemed to only make me feel bloated. Which did not help. My pants were officially feeling to snug and I had no interest in eating "healthier" food. Double/triple/quadruple whammy!

Then I started my period. AHA! As Oprah says, it was my "Aha" moment! :)  That is what all "this" is about. It makes perfect sense now! Mind you, this never crossed my mind because that would make me  a little over a week early. I am a pretty regular girl so this didn't seem like a possibility. And, I had none of my normal crankiness/emotional crap that always goes a long with it.

Now that I know I haven't gained a bunch of weight like I thought (and even though the scale didn't say I had). I suddenly felt better. I went to the gym yesterday and had a good run (it was still hard but I felt good instead of dead and fat afterwards) and didn't crave/want to sit and eat crap! It was nice. Even my pants fit differently! Yay! Big sigh of relief. My life-long roller coaster ride of losing, then gaining, then losing then gaining again wasn't continuing. At least not yet.

Its bizarre that when I was feeling fat, I had no motivation to go run, let alone eat better. But now that I know what caused me to feel that way I do want to run and eat better. Humph. Such a mental game with me. You'd think after all the running I've done I would want to go run to get that motivation and "feeling good" back even more but nope. Not at all.

And that, that scared me.

If I slip up and gain weight and let it even begin to spiral out of control, I could be doomed. The scale never showed that I had actually gained any weight, maybe a pound but that is it. Yet I was still convinced that I had; it (the scale) must be wrong. I mean my pants were so snug. :/

I have found (awhile back) a couple quotes I liked that I need to print out and keep visible so I can remind myself that I can't so I won't derail.

And

And

The last one is my favorite I think, because it is SO true. Even on days I only run a short amount, it is better that not! Running has been so good for me. It's helped me loose, during the holidays maintain, my weight. And it feels so good to breath in all the clean (except when a truck or old car passes you with stinky exhaust, I hate that!) fresh air and just clear my mind.

Now, if this rain will just let up so I can go run!

Get moving.

We are big Biggest Loser fans. We've watched every episode since Sami, er, I mean Alison Sweeney became the host, so for awhile. They're mantra for this season seems to be "Get Moving" and they "Challenge America" to also get moving.

So as you know I have been fighting the crud that's apparently been running ramped everywhere. Antonio is pretty much done with it and I seem to be on the tail end of it; thankfully! I have watched Albert leave to go on runs in the BEAUTIFUL weather that we have been having and I have had major runners envy. This morning I woke and felt pretty good; tired but good. So we watched the game (I blame Antonio for the outcome because from the beginning he said he wanted the "red guys" to win, even after explaining to him the Seahawks were in white. :/), had lunch then Albert insisted I go out for a jog. I was hesitant because I wanted to go "good run" but he reminded me that even if I go just for a mile or two at least I went. And even if I walked most of the way, it was better to get out, breathe in the fresh air and  move  than not going at all.

He had a point.

So, I changed, put on my new running shoes and walked out the front door. Man it was cold but the fresh air felt amazing. I walked out to the main road and decided I would jog, a slow  and easy jog to see how it felt. It felt great! As I picked up a little in pace I was breathing deeper and it felt even better to have the cool fresh air filing my lungs. (This is one of my favorite parts of running outside and one of the main reasons I run.)

Ahhh...I felt amazing. I jogged, quickly, for about a mile and the "crud" feeling came back. My legs started feeling tired, as if I had run 4 miles already and I knew I needed to slow my pace down and so I did. But that mile of jogging felt awesome. :)

I ended up running, well jogging, for about a mile and walking for about a mile. Instead of feeling discouraged I decided to be happy that I got out and "moved".  Any calories burned are just that, calories burned!  From my chest up I feel great but my legs are tired and kindly reminding me that I am still not 100% and to not get to carried away!

So, I challenge YOU to just "get moving". Doesn't matter if you run, bike, yoga or walk; just get moving! Take your husband, boyfriend, kid(s), dog or just yourself on a walk; long or short, it doesn't matter. :)

This will be my one, and most likely only, post to get you, encourage you, to get moving or do anything for that matter. I promise.  I will, however, leave you with a link to a blog post that I find pretty inspirational and "moving" (haha...get it? moving, emotionally moving..ok sorry.).

http://flintland.blogspot.com/2012/05/hey-fat-girl.html

Cough, cough, ugh...cough.

Welcome to my world where the Kleenex, Boogie Wipes and germs are a flyin'!

Antonio has been hacking, and I mean hacking for a little over a week now. His poor little body must hurt so badly because watching and hearing the way he coughs I can tell it is from deep down. :(  He has, however, become proficient at covering his mouth when he does!

There, is my one and only silver lining.

I, however, also caught a version, more mature, adultish (is that even a "mature" word?) version of what he has. You know, the sore throat, body aches, exhausted, now coughing and congested, version. Its fun guys. C'mon, join my pity party! The only drink, however, being served is a double packet emergen-c mixed with Sprite (which could be on the rocks if requested)! ;)

So home it is for us until at least Wednesday, when if we aren't better by then have been told to go back to the doctor. We will be better, we have to be. I did hear/see that there is a chance of lowland snow right over the Marysville area, if that convergence zone sets up like they claim it may.

So I say: LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW!!!

In the meantime, we need to get better for our sakes and Albert's. I know he hates us being sick as much, if not more, than us. So send those healthy vibes our way so if it does actually snow we can go play in it! :)

Resolutions

I don't like to make resolutions because chances are I make some that realistically won't be kept. You know, the good intention ones. To me, a resolution is usually something(s) that you want to stop, start or give up and its usually something you haven't been able to do in the past. So I like to make goals instead. In my mind a goal is more attainable than a resolution. So, no, I did not make any resolutions but I did think of a couple goals to try to reach/maintain.

1. Continue running.

As most of you know I have been running for "fun". I use the term "fun" loosely. I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I lose, then gain, lose then gain etc, etc. My goal this year is to either lose more weight or at least maintain where I am at and in turn I need to continue to run. I am not wanting to run a marathon or even a half for that matter but to just run as often as my daily life allows me to. 2-3 times a week, hopefully more.

2. Eating healthier.

This is more of a forced goal because Albert really wants to eat better and I want to help him. He wants to minimize carb intake and meat and well, I like a good steak and I love my carbs. So I am attempting to find something in the middle (for me) and we both want to add more veggies to our meals. So if anyone knows any good recipes that follow those lines I would LOVE them.

3. Spend more quality family time together.

We spend a lot of time together but it isn't always quality. In a sense we just sit at home. I want to get out more and explore. Find more "free" things to do as a family. Maybe hike some easy trails with Antonio, spend more time Seattle etc.

There are my goals I have set for myself. I am confident I can achieve these in some respect. So none of this, "I am going to lose "x" amount of weight" or "I am going to stop drinking coffee" (nobody wants me to do that. ;) ) or anything extreme like that. Just some simple goals. Hopefully you have not set any "resolutions" to high only get get discouraged!

Here's to 2013 (2013?! how did that happen so fast?), hope its a good one!