Two years.

Wow. It's been 2 years since I put in my 4, FOUR, week notice at MM. Don't ask me why I gave them 4 weeks. I tried to be a good soon to be ex employee but it didn't help them one bit.

Do I miss working there? Heck no!

Do I miss my co-workers? Absolutely!

After becoming a stay at home mom almost 2 years ago, I've learned a lot. A lot about Antonio, his school, his friends and about me. Thanks to twice a month therapy appointments, I've learned that I am a control freak who absolutely wears my heart and emotions on my sleeve (well that 2nd part I pretty much already knew) and who is consumed with what others think/crave their approval. I apologize for that and it's something I'm working hard at but am not succeeding at. Ha.

I'm going in to my 3rd year being heavily involved with Antonio's school PTSA. This year already proving to possibly be the hardest. I've gone from not voicing many opinions and just absorbing, to voicing many opinions, to voicing all my opinions. Which in turn, hasn't necessarily the best idea. I'm finding myself the strong minority in many decisions, which in turn is becoming frustrating to me.  Not by anyones fault but my own. However, PTSA desperately needs help so I am not completely giving up. For the other board members sakes, maybe just not being so involved with the "planning" side of things and taking a step back a bit. I truly love helping Antonio's school and the reward I get from it, is huge! That staff and those kids are truly amazing and deserve the very best! ♥♥ The women I have met through PTSA are amazing as well and because of PTSA I have found lifelong friendships in random places!

Antonio is about to start 3rd grade and I look forward to helping in class or at least the teacher again. I know my time is limited where he will want me around so I soak it up while I still can. He is such a smart, kind, gentle and loving kid. The friends he has made are such good kids too. However, he calls a lot of kids friends he only really has one best buddy and one best friend. I asked him the difference and his answer was spot on. His best buddy is a kid who he loves to play with and spend time with. Someone who is nice to him and would never be mean him. His best friend is someone who he doesn't play with very much but loves to be around him. He is someone who is very nice, always does the right things and is a good person to be around. Those were his words. I'm not sure why he wouldn't want to always play with his best friend, granted, this particular boy has moved out of state but when he was here they didn't play much together. His best buddy is a good kid too and I would be shocked if he didn't always do the right things. Regardless, excellent qualities to have in a best buddy and best friend.

I am 6 months in with Lularoe, which has been amazing. I won't lie, its hard and times have been harder as of lately but this experience is so much fun. The ladies I have met through Lularoe are amazing as well. They are smart, strong and hardworking as well as big hearted! Lularoe is big on "blessing others". If I could give away all of my inventory to unsuspected people everyday I would. Antonio and I handed out leggings about a month ago while we were out doing errands and the reactions people gave us were priceless. Their surprise and joy was so sincere I may have chocked up a bit myself! ♥ Antonio said he wants to give free things to people every time we go out! Ha! Me to kid but we can't, I have to make some money!

I truly miss my co workers from MM though. I've stopped in at their new location a couple times and its been bittersweet to see them and the new employees. I don't think I could ever go back there to work, especially as long as my old boss is there but it is nice to stop in and chat. I've always been better working with men than women and with the guys I worked with, I was myself, wholeheartedly. And because they, for the most part, were middle aged men I didn't care what they thought, which turns out is rare for me.

Looking back, the decision to quit 2 years ago was the best decision we've made. The time I've had with Antonio can never be replaced and I am forever grateful for that time and my very hard working husband. I am a lucky lady. Wish me luck, I have a couple things weighing heavily on my mind lately and hope decisions made are the right ones for all involved! ♥

LuLaRoe

As some of you know I am have interested in becoming a LLR (LuLaRoe) consultant. I really love their clothing, it is ridiculously comfortable, fashionable, fun and I feel great in it.

This is pretty accurate! :)

I have been researching for about a month now on what exactly becoming a consultant entails. As it turns out, being a LLR consultant is a legit business but is nothing like the other consultant/direct sales jobs which is kinda why I like it and also why it makes me incredibly nervous.

Here are a few things I've learned:

→ As a LLR consultant you own your own inventory. There are no catalogs or websites for customers to order and buy from. I would have the option to host in home "pop ups" (where I would bring all my items to a friends house and they would invite their friends to shop), open house pop ups (where people could come to my house and shop), multi consultant sales (where I would take my items to a central location along with other consultants for people to shop), and online sales.

→ There is no direct competition between LLR consultants because everyone has different inventory. Different inventory as in, different patterns, colors and even styles. There are only so many pieces made in each patter the likelihood of every consultant in Marysville having the same exact thing is VERY unlikely! In fact I went to a multi consultant sale today. There were about 12 consultants with their inventory and I only saw maybe 3 or 4 items that were a duplicated in all.

→ There is no pyramid scheme. I do not have to create a "team" or recruit people to become consultants in order for me to make money. All I have to do is sell the clothes, which pretty much sell themselves!

→ There is no "quota" that I need to meet each month. I can sell 1 piece or 1,000, that is up to me. Although, the more I would sell the more I would make so if I am only selling 1 piece a month I really shouldn't be a consultant!

→ I would have to apply and obtain a business license and pay quarterly taxes which, to be honest, still intimidates me. I feel like I have enough of an idea on how that works to be able to make a good decision.

→ Once signed up, I'd have to wait 6-8 weeks before LLR calls me and asks if I'm sure I want to do this. Ha. At that point I would say yes and purchase my initial inventory package or tell them I changed my mind and don't want to be a consultant.

→ That initial inventory package is not cheap BUT I would be buying my actual inventory so it is more of an investment than a fee which I would make back and them some.

→ Because I am a pessimist I researched on how or what happens it I get in over my head and want out. Turns outs, there is a fairly easy "out". I can literately sell everything back to LLR less a restocking fee or I can sell it to current consultants who would buy it back and I would not loose anything. Phew....

So after going back and forth I have decided to have courage (see my last post) and sign up because just what if I succeed?! I have an amazing sponsor (basically a trainer), Tina, who will train me, help me get started, encourage, support and make sure I succeed. She is local here in Marysville and has been so patient with all of my questions. I look forward to getting to know her better and learning all her LLR wisdom! ❤

With the 6-8 week window in place, I am looking to get my call about the end of February. I am beyond excited, and nervous; probably equal parts of each. I am very new to LLR so there is so much to learn but I am ready and anxious. Those of you who are familiar with LLR, you probably already have your go to consultant but I would love to have your support in my journey with LLR too and the chance to help you find your unicorn or another piece to feel amazing in. For those of you who have zero idea as to what LLR is, here is their website: http://www.lularoe.com if you are interested. I would be honored to be the one who introduced you to their clothing and help you find the perfect piece to feel amazing in! There is truly something for everyone and sizing is XXS - 3XL!  ❤

For those of you reading this via Facebook, you are on a custom list there and not everyone on my friends list is on it or has access to this blog. Yes, consider yourself special. ☺ So I have not announced this publicly yet, but will soon. Once I get a Facebook group created I will announce it to all my "friends".

I will have a separate group page from my personal page, where I will sell, advertise and create events on everything LLR. Once I create the group you will be able to join it if you are interested. If you do not want to join the group please don't feel obligated to. I will only every once in awhile mention LLR on my personal timeline so if you're not interested you won't have to hear about it all the time. That isn't me, I don't like to "sell" you on something you really aren't interested in. Hence the fact I am really glad I don't have to recruit people because honestly, I would fail at that! Ha.

I know that there are some of you reading this who may have your doubts or want to question my decision on becoming a consultant but please don't. If we're close, and you know who you are, and have concerns, feel free to ask but I have probably thought all your concerns already, remember, I suffer from anxiety. This was a really hard decision for me to make but I believe I made an educated one. Sure there is a lot I don't know right now, but thank goodness I have 6 - 8 weeks to learn and prep for it. Worse case is when they call I have realized I was crazy for making this decision I can tell them no thank you.

Albert is 100% on board with me which truly helped make my decision. It will be nice to help, if even just a little, financially too. Some women make a ton of money doing this. I am not sure I will be one of them but if I could pay the mortgage for us each month I would call it a big success! It will be a lot of work, but fun and rewarding work. There is something really amazing about being able to help other women find pieces that fit them well, make them feel as beautiful as they truly are and boost their confidence. I can't wait!

Thank you in advance to all of you who will support and encourage me along the way. ❤

Courage.

It's that time of year again, New Years Eve is this Saturday and only 361 days until Christmas! (ha!)

Last year I noticed that instead of a new years resolution, some people chose a "word" for the 2016 year. Personally, I've never been a fan of the whole new years resolution thing, I feel like they just set us all up for potential failure. Honestly, I didn't really get the idea of choosing a "word", it seemed weird to me. This year I think I understand it more and actually kinda like it. Then again, maybe I don't understand but I have found my own interpretation of the idea. Here's how I see it:

↠ There aren't any specific things one has to do, or not do. It's more of a theme to live by for the upcoming year instead of an actual action like loosing weight, saving money, traveling or exercisng more, etc. Which we always seem to fail at in way or another.  

I feel like with having a word for the new year it can cover a broader spectrum, more of a general idea. So whats my word for 2017 you ask?

To have courage.

As some of you know I've been struggling with making a decision in whether or not to sell LuLaRoe. I've been doing a lot of research and yet still can't make a decision. Many of you know I struggle/battle with anxiety...

Every. Single. Day. 

Because of that, making this decision has been even harder for me. Earlier this year I had a friend send me a "saying" she had posted on her timeline. I printed it out and framed it. I thought it was a good daily reminder for myself. Then this Christmas I received the "courage" willow tree angel from one of my dearest friends who knows me better than I probably realize. I didn't realize at the time I received it how very perfect it was for me. ❤ 

I have been seeing a therapist for my anxiety for about 4 months now and it has helped me in ways I didn't expect. She has helped me realize what causes my anxiety, which is a first step. Well not the actual causes but more of what fuels it: fear, all "what if's" (fear of the unknown) is HUGE, what everyone else thinks and lack of control. If I can find the courage to just do things without letting all the fear consume me, that would be half the battle, if not more. ☺ 

2017 will be the year I hope (<----see, theres that fear of committing) to have courage to make decisions (1 in particular right now) and do more. Go out more, experience more, enjoy more (without being in a constant state of anxiety), have the courage to say "no" more, not be so afraid of failing and be able to be me more without the fear of what others think. 

Yikes, all that seems so scary and takes a lot courage.... 

Wish me luck. 

Chapter Four....?

A new chapter might be starting for me, well, us. I stress the might right now because I haven't decided for sure yet. It would be a big leap of faith however, as it turns out not as big of a risk as I initially thought.

I'm (seriously) considering becoming a LulaRoe consultant. A couple months ago I purchased my first pair of LLR leggings and fell in love. Seriously fell in love. They truly are as soft as they are advertised to be. Wearing leggings was a big step in itself. I don't have big legs but they are in no way small or toned. I felt a little naked, exposed and self conscious at first, but after wearing them out in public a few times I grew comfortable in them. In fact, I felt amazing in them, truly. I was incredibly comfortable, there was no muffin top action because they came up and over my stomach and I even received a couple compliments. ♥ I rarely get compliments on what I wear. I hope it isn't because I look awful or have terrible taste, just that I wasn't "stand out cute". ☺ With LLR I am apparently stand out cute and who doesn't like compliments?! LLR carries so much more than just leggings; dresses, skirts, tops, kids items and more. All of which can make you feel amazing in! ♥

About a week ago I hosted a "pop-up" party and had LLR consultant, Mary, co-host with me. It was so much fun! I invited friends (and even some family) over; we shopped, snacked and chatted. It was so much fun! Mary made it look easy too! Thanks to all of you who purchased items, I earned two FREE items! At the end of the party, a couple of us were quizzing Mary on how to become a consultant. Since then, her and I have been chatting about it and now I am seriously considering it. I have my reservations but I'm thinking about "jumping in". 😬 

Yes, there's a hefty start up investment, no we can't afford it, but after researching and reading the "agreement" I've learned that it is essentially fully refundable. If I agree to "sign up" I enter into what they call a queue, waiting period, for approximately 8 weeks before LLR actually accepts my "application". Once they do, it's at that point I can say "yes, I want to become a consultant" or "no, I have changed my mind.". It is reassuring that after those weeks I can still change my mind. Assuming I say yes, it is then I would pay the investment cost which is actually the purchasing of my initial order of items. Once I receive the items I can begin selling them and making my money back right away!! After I get my initial order I can STILL  change my mind! I could send my all items back to LLR and gets a refund less a 15% restocking fee OR sell all my items at cost to other consultants and get ALL my money back! And selling them to consultants or even customers is a relatively easy option.

Phew... Call me a pessimist but being able to stop doing all this at any point is reassuring to me. 

One of my concerns is getting "in over my head". That and the actual business side of things. Because of always having my inventory on hand (which is one of my favorite parts of LLR), versus having customers (you) order from a catalog, and then being responsible for collecting the money from purchases, I would become an actual business owner! Yikes. Thats serious business and THAT really intimidates me too! 

Another nice thing is that other consultants would not competition to me. There are no "territories". Every time I would order items all I get to do is pick styles and sizing, LLR chooses and sends the patterns. There is a limited number of patterns made in any particular style, therefore, each piece is more of a "one-of-a-kind" and customers (you, again) can shop with multiple consultants because everyone has different patterns available! This is what makes LLR unique. I could and probably would, do most of my sales via a FB group and occasionally host open house pop ups at my house and do pop up parties at friends homes (with their friends) within a close radius of my home since I don't have a ideal way to transport everything! My jetta is only so big! ☺

Albert is incredibly supportive of this new potential adventure which makes it a possibility. This would also be a great opportunity to be able to contribute some income to our family as well. Luckily, we are doing just fine without needing this for more income but of course it would be nice. ☺ A positive and negative is that I would do a lot of the work. LLR does very little for me. The positive with that is that I could essentially make it my own business and make it work for me because it would be my own business. The negative, is that I have to do so much. The only thing I would have to do is purchase 30 items each month to stay "active". I'm guessing if I'm doing it right at all, that would be easy. I have been researching and debating for about a week now. If I am honest, it I'm hesitant because I'm not sure I could do it. It would be a big step and that scares me, a lot. Its such a big decision and in my mind there are so many "what if's" but if you really know me, "what if's" always consume my mind, not just with this decision but with everyday life. 

What if I fail and just can't do this?

But what if I can do this and succeed?! 

If I do decide to start this LLR journey I would greatly appreciate your support. I would ask you all only once if you would want to join my LLR group to learn about and/or purchase items in the future and thats it. I promise to not constantly post about it on my personal timeline! ♥

Reasons, I wish I knew

Sappy post alert.

I'm a huge believer in "everything happens for a reason". And as per the usual, you never know what that reason is at the time but usually (hopefully) looking back you see it. I've been incredibly lucky to have met some amazing ladies since leaving MM. Some of which I've been lucky enough to become good friends with. They seem to have come into my life just when I needed them and have helped me become a better friend, Mama, and person. All of their friendships have been loving, understanding, genuine and most of all, supportive. They have shown me it is possible for women to be supportive and encouraging to each other and not judgmental and mean.

Women often mention their "tribe" of close friends or "my people" and I never really knew what it was like, until recently. My "group" isn't big, maybe 5 or 6 but that is ok because its 3 or 4 more than I had two years ago. However, I recently found out I am losing one of them and I kinda feel like I got sucker punched...

My initial thoughts were selfish and angry because she just came into my life. The more I thought about it, the more heartbreaking it became because she, without her really knowing, had become "my person". Our friendship evolved slowly and quietly and at some point, unbeknownst to me, she became that person in my life and I hadn't really realized that until she told me she was moving. ♥

Just typing this and thinking about her leaving puts a lump in my throat and quiver in my chin.

Just by being around her you want to be a better person and every time she leaves you feeling better about yourself and you think, "Man, I just love her" and I do; so much. She is truly 1 in a million. ♥

The next couple months before she officially leaves will be hard but I am going to do my best not to put up those walls. Because as most of you know, thats just what I do, I put up walls, really big ones and I distance myself so I don't have to deal with the heartbreak.

Happily I do have a few other friends who are pretty amazing too. I'm pretty lucky and I am pretty sure I hit the jackpot of when it comes to friends.☺ I've never been one to have a lot of friends, for me its quality over quantity. I pick and choose my friends pretty specifically so I tend to have quite a few "aquaintance friends" but really only have a handful true friends; friends who I would give the shirt off my back for.

This move will be an amazing opportunity for her and her family so I am happy for her. One that they would be crazy not to take so I know her reason for leaving. What I don't understand is the reason she was put in my life, when apparently I needed her so badly, only to be taken away so soon. I know the positive impact she has made on my life but why take that/her away? (see, here are my selfish thoughts and questions.)

Why??!

Yes, I know she isn't dying or anything tragic like that but no matter how much you try to deny it, distance, on any type of relationship, changes it and usually hurts it... She has become not just an everyday friend but hopefully a forever friend. ♥  I've come to grips with that fact she is leaving (I think) and that I can/should put on my big girl pants and turn my emotions to happiness and excitement for her. Because after all, it is exciting and will be such an amazing opportunity for her and her family! I will deal with (or maybe not. ha!) the goodbye when it happens. Regardless I will miss her terribly and just wish I knew the reason as to why she came in to my life only to "leave" so soon. If someone would just say, "She came in to your life to <blank> and now is leaving because <blank>, but <blank>." I would take all this much better...I think. ☺

Ten months

**Turns out this gets a little mushy at the end, sorry. That was not my intention originally but I am keeping it that way. :)

 It's been almost exactly 10 months since I left Mutual Materials.

TEN months!

A part of me feels like it was yesterday yet, another part of me feels like it was a lifetime ago. I was so happy to be leaving. I had been there 12 years and the people I met and grew to truly like, I miss. Very much still to this day. In fact I stopped by a couple weeks ago to see them and as I left I felt happy. Happy to have seen them and happy that I was leaving and not going back the next day. Ha! Still so much drama there!  The last 10 months have been the most rewarding and fun 10 months I've had in a very long time. I am so different now too. I am still me just not the dirty mouthed, stressed out, unhappy version. I care more about me, how I present myself and I put more effort into things. Funny how much more effort one can put towards something when the truly enjoy and believe in it!  I am much more content now too! )

I was able to be involved in Antonio's school this year and I met some amazing people. I helped in Antonio's classroom every week and not only got to see what goes on in the room but got to know his teacher and classmates. It was so fun to see how much they grew in 10 months too. I'm going to miss seeing them every week. 

While there I also got the chance to learn the school, how it runs, whats expected of the students and best of all I got to know some of the staff. I feel so lucky to have Antonio go to the school he does. I remember thinking when I first saw it that it was little on the "dumpy" and I wondered if it looked like that on the outside, what it would be like on the inside. It is just another example of why you should to judge a book by its cover. :) The principal and staff are amazing and the kids are happy! 

Working with the PTSA I was able to plan and help host so many fun things. I got the inside scoop on all the activities and I even had a say in them. The PTSA did not have any sort of social media prior to this year, so I created and now admin a private group page for them. At times it is a lot of work but is so rewarding and fun seeing how people, parents, utilize it. I am actually pretty proud of it! :) I did not sign up to be on the board next year nor do I have any intention of doing so in the future. I will miss having such a big say in how things are done and run but will enjoy just volunteering without all of the pressure.

Not only did I get to do all that but I met some pretty amazing women! The two main ladies who ran the PTSA this past year are leaving and will not be around next year. Their kids are headed to middle school; eek! Turns out I am going to sincerely miss them next year. They gave so much of their heart and soul to this school and not only will I miss them but I am pretty sure the school will too. I am however, excited for the new board to take over and take charge! Next year is going to be so much fun!

The past 10 months I have made a few new friends, which come to find out, I really needed. I didn't realize it until recently either. I have friends but honestly, I have lost touch with so many of them since they live just a little to far for the frequent hang outs. I was consumed by work and family and just lost touch. And it wasn't one-sided, it just happened, with all of us. Before we knew it, weeks had gone by, then months and it just became harder to find time and then we just got lazy. That breaks my heart a little, more now than then because I wasn't aware of how bad it was.

Happily I "found" two ladies who I actually call friends, actual friends. It helps we have boys who are in the same grade which helped create a common ground to build on. I wasn't aware at how badly I needed girlfriends until these two came into my life, both at different times, in different ways and for different reasons. Cheesy, I know, but true. I hope to keep these two in my life long after PTSA and even if our boys don't stay friends.

One I met after Antonio wanted to invite her son to his birthday last year and I quickly realized how similar we are. Just looking at her or talking to her you can tell she is fun and easy-going,  I almost instantly felt comfortable around her. <---That kinda sounds weird but I meant in the most normal way. Turns out she really is fun and easy-going! Ha!

The other I met via PTSA this fall. She is smart and takes control of a room, in the most kind and positive way. She's kept me in line and grounded when things got a bit "emotional" this year. She also makes me want to be a better person, the best version of me possible. I adore both of them, that sounds kinda creepy too. They are so much fun (not that I know them that well yet) and amazing women who also happen to be raising pretty amazing boys. I can only hope the boys all stay friends for life because the families where the come from are amazing!

Both of them know I suffer from anxiety and each time we've gone somewhere they ask a simple, "how are you doing?" or "are you doing ok?". And then its left alone. Seriously, that is the best I could ask for. It lets me know they are aware yet don't want to dwell on it  or ignore it and I greatly appreciate that. One of these times I will respond with, "I'm freaking out" and I know they will be amazing, because that is just what they are. I truly hope to get to know them both better in the near future and hope they become/stay lifelong friends of mine. Every girl needs friends like these two! <3

As I took off my badge today for the last time for a few months, I realized that it is so much more than just that. It is a symbol of what I have done and who I've become over the past 10 months. Yes, I am that Mom. The mom who is always at school, volunteering in class and with the PTSA and I like it! :)

a better me

It's probably been at least 10 years since "getting out there".

No, not in the sense of dating but meeting new people, friends, other women.

I mention women specifically only because while I worked at MM I met a lot of new people but 99% of them were men, older men. Not the good looking, rich kind either...

I digress.

I was comfortably stuck in my rut of being around and socializing with men. And boy are they entertaining, anti social and often very dramatic. They are just like women just not as critical of each other. Ha.

I promise, this is not a post about men.

Again, I digress.

As you all know, since leaving MM I have had the opportunity to meet other moms and become involved with the PTSA and they are 99% women and my age. You'd think that would be a nice change and in a lot of ways it is but yet so much the same. Happily the topics of conversations have changed and there is a lot less cursing. In turn I have met a few really great women, moms. Theres a couple that stand out, they are amazing people.

Without sounding creepy and stalkerish, even though it will, I want to be around them. I want Antonio to be around their kids; I want to be in their lives and vice versa. Being around them makes me want to be a better women, mom, wife and friend.

Ok, yup. That sounded weird. But these women are amazingly strong women who appear to have it all. Even when they claim to be going crazy they still appear to have it all together.

It's almost like working at MM made me care less about myself in the sense, I only half cared about how I looked and what people thought of me. With the lack of appreciation, especially at the end, made me only want to put in half the effort. The people around me were either mostly twice my age, drunk (yes, a lot of guys came in clearly intoxicated all while trying to act normal), high or weren't worth my energy. Sounds depressing, yes but for the most part I loved these guys. It made that part of the job less stressful. I had zero "competition". :)

Now being around other women, I care more about my appearance and how I present myself.  These couple women, without knowing it, have influenced me to want to be a better version of myself.