Things that make you go, Hmmmm.

I've had a few "ah-ha" moments lately.

Or maybe just some "realizations". Whatever you want to actually call them, I've had them.

Over the past month or some I have realized that I have a good kid. Really good kid. He is, after all, just four which makes him just past age three and well you may or may not have heard the term, "threenager" but we had one here.

• You may find your sweet three year old suddenly start acting like a hormonal teenage girl going through puberty
• Expect to see mood swings of hurricane-like proportions
• One minute of polite, sweet behavior using manners and all…and then without moment’s notice whining, whining, and did I mention WHINING?!
• New catch phrases, such as “I don’t want to”, “I don’t like that”, “I don’t ______ [insert word here]” and excessive use of the word “No!”
• Sudden outbursts or tantrums for no explained reason (luckily we are yet to experience this in public!)
• You also may find yourself saying “Because I said so” as an answer to all of their questions and statements

(I also found this definition of a threenager too and had to laugh!)

I try to take it all in stride because he is generally a good kid; I (we) are lucky and I am very thankful  grateful for that. Also, I have realized he will be a fantastic big brother to some lucky little girl some day. We spent about 24hrs with an 8 month last week and he was so good with him. Not only was he good with him but he had fun making him smile and laugh; it was so sweet. I hope so badly now he gets the chance!

Moving on.

A couple other things I have realized is that I need glasses. Well only for reading. No, I still don't read books much but most of my day at work consists of "reading" a computer and well all the reading I do on my phone. That font is small. ;) Anyways, I went and got my eyes checked and sure enough I needed glasses. I can see fine far away it is just up close that gives me trouble. As I type this I am wearing my new glasses. As I told Albert, it looks like the font is bigger but in reality it is just "clearer". Ahhh. My eyes are still trying to adjust to them, the glasses, but I can see (har, har) that this is going to help.

Also, I have concluded I may be somewhat lactose intolerant. After enjoying a latte for the first time in awhile the other morning I felt very bloated and gassy. I was extra aware because I was putting on a swimsuit at Great Wolf Lodge when in reality I was wanting to keep my jammy pants on. I mentioned it to my Mom and friend who were with me and they mentioned lactose intolerance. I got home and looked it up. The symtoms (minus the last two) were exactly mine. All day I thought about it and the more and more I thought about it the more I was pretty sure I was.

So starting today, I am going to try to cut out dairy for awhile to see what happens. I got some So Delicious (non dairy brand) coffee creamer and Albert picked up some So Delicious ice cream. He knows me well, after all, if I am going to do this I can be neglected of the good stuff! :) The ice cream was pretty good too. On my lunch tomorrow I may get a So Delicious yogurt to try. I haven't "been able" to eat yogurt for awhile now because of how it made me feel (bloated and gave me a stomach ache)....hmmmm...light bulb on. :) We'll see....

Here is to hoping age four is good for Antonio, my glasses help at work (and at home) and that I can do this dairy free thing and it helps!

Lucky...or maybe not.

*Some of this post is based purely on memories, not the facts*

I just learned that a dear friend of mine's Mom, is having a biopsy of a very small "spot" that was found on a routine mammogram. This Mom has no history in her family of breast cancer and it was caught early so the odds are very favorable that it is nothing. But please pray anyway.

However, as news like this always does, if got me thinking. As many of you know, I lost my Dad very early in my life to a brain tumor. So I had to deal, as a young chid, with losing my Dad, and if I were completely honest with myself, I don't think I really grieved completely or even mourned correctly.

I remember my Mom sending me to a therapist/counselor who was (as I remember him) a creepy old man. Most likely a middle aged man with a beard and a sweater vest and glasses. Yes, that is how I remember him, it was the 80's after all; oh and he has a quiet toned creepy voice. Anyways, did he (or my Mom for that matter) think I was  really going to talk to him about my Dad dying? I barely understood what had happened myself, how was I to pour my feelings out to him? I am sure he was a pediatric therapist but still. Needless to say, I think I only went to see him once or twice, at least that is how I remember it.

My parents separated when I was young, very young; maybe Kindergarten age. I remember my Mom taking me on the ferry to see him on weekends in Seattle so I wasn't old enough to go alone yet, or maybe she went to make sure he didn't have some crazy woman there with him waiting for me. He then moved to Alaska for a few years, at least I think that was the order it happened. I never saw him then. He would send me audio tapes that after he died I remember playing frequently until the cassette player ate my last one. I remember that day vividly, it was while I was living in Oregon. I sobbed. It was the last time I heard his voice. :(  I remember he came back to Seattle when he found out he had the tumor. He stayed there until he died. Sadly, in my 10 or so years he was alive I hardly saw him let alone got to know him. I know while I has a baby he was there and most likely was a great Dad, but I have no memories of that. At all.

Does this make me lucky? In the sense that I did have a parent die but I was so young and barely had much of a relationship with him to really know what losing a parent is like.  I hear about people losing a parent from cancer or by a tragic accident and assume I can empathize, but can I? Most of them knew that parent. Had a relationship with them. My Dad, moved to Seattle then Alaska. Sure I saw him and spent time with him, heck, he took me to Disneyland, twice (I think) in those short years. But I barely remember him.

Maybe it makes me unlucky because I lost him so soon and did not get to have a relationship with him while all these other people did. I know that it makes me angry when I hear about it. How their parent died and how sad it is. A part of me wants to angrily say, "But at least you knew them and grew up with them. You're lucky enough to not know what its like to not have one.  You were/are lucky enough to have many memories with them..." But I don't, because that is so incredibly insensitive and just not right.

I wonder just how much could I possibly understand what they were/are going through. Was I lucky to have lost my Dad so young so maybe, just maybe, my pain of losing him isn't or wasn't so intense?  Because of losing so early on, my whole like I have feared losing my Mom. It is and has been my biggest fear. Sure I have my Step-Dad but if you know me, really know me, it just isn't the same.

What I do know is that there is no luck in losing a parent; none what so ever. Losing a parent is losing a parent, no matter how or when.

Friendships

They say that the friends you meet in college stay with you for life. I suppose that is true but I can hardly say I keep in touch with those friends. Granted that makes me very sad because those girls (& guys) were/are some of the best kind of people I know.

With that said, it is my high school friends that seem to be the ones that have stayed for life. Jessica, Rita, Christina, Myriah and Toni; those girls I have the most memories with and whom I look back as my best friends from high school. From New Kids, to sleepovers, to shopping, to boys, to Omar and the Mariners. Those are the girls I did all those things with; those are the girls that I laughed with, cried with and spent most of my time with. A couple of them I have yet to loose touch with over the years, one of them I did loose touch with for a couple years but found again. While the two others I have happily reconnected with via Facebook; one of which just recently. Some laugh at the whole FB thing but I have found it is much more that just a social website. I have reconnected with old friends whom I have so many memories with. Funny thing is, not only do we ask how each other have been but also ask about Moms. Not only was I incredibly close to these girls but their Mom's too. Their Mom's were in some respect, like a second Mom to me growing up. Who knows how close we will really be again, if close at all, but just to reconnect is great.

I can't even tell you exactly what made us loose touch but we did. It just feels so good to connect back. Real friendships are hard to find. I have found that to be so true at this point in my life. These girls gave me real friendships back then and even though I rarely, if ever, see them now I'm pretty confident that if I  really needed them they would be there. I have made a few real friendships since high school but they have been far and few between...

This tended to ramble a bit, sorry...