Full time

Welp, starting Monday I go back to work full time indefinitely. It sucks.

Nope. It effin' sucks.

I have pretty much every negative emotion about it. I am already having anxiety, stress and feeling sad and mad, more like pissed about it. Sure, it will be great to have a bigger paycheck and who can't use that but in reality I'd live on rice and beans, no problem, to stay home and have more time with Antonio. Going back full time means I won't able to volunteer regularly, no more bus stop drop offs/pick ups (which are always bittersweet), no more breakfast dates with him every morning, no more not stressing if Antonio is sick or daycare is closed, etc. For selfish reasons, I won't be able to run, bake, clean up and get errands done while he is at school. Weekends will be once again filled with errands and laundry instead of fun family time. Boo. We even went and saw Santa this afternoon mainly because I wasn't going to attempt that on a weekend.

I have been part time for almost 2 years and it has been amazing and I am very grateful for it. It has been so fun and heart filling bonding with Antonio. We've done so many fun things together and because of being part time he was able to go to Pre-K which was so, so good for him.

Why am I going back FT? Well my job share partner, Manny, is retiring tomorrow, Wednesday. Good for him but that the same time, damn him. :) I need to find a job share partner who isn't so old next time. Heck, I just need to just find a job share partner.

I'm a true introvert (this is a great explanation and spot on for me being an introvert!) and have a hard time being "on" for long periods of time. Down time is very much needed to "regroup" regularly. Starting Monday I will be back full time at work and my in-laws will be in town. It will be a long, exhausting (and hopefully fun) week. I am so excited for them to be in town; its always good for the soul but just wish I wasn't going back to FT hours the same week. Oh well.

Please pray the week goes well and I survive. Come Sunday, you'll find my house a mess and most likely me on the couch, still in my pjs not caring and having anxiety about going back to work that next Monday. The following week our new schedule will start where Antonio will be back at daycare full time. So mornings will come early and probably be rushed. I worry Antonio will struggle with the change. He already complains on Thursday's and Friday's about going to Ms. Rosemary's because he has to get up early. Sigh... We'll need even more good vibes then and that the change in routine goes smoothly. :)

Oils

So it's been 3 weeks since my last post and I've been feeling great. I have had very mild everyday anxiety symptoms and only once did I really start to have a panic attack and one other time did I really feel anxiety kick in to really high gear. The one panic attack I had was random, as they always are, and nothing really helped, I just had to go through it. However, it was very short lived and not to the extreme as others. The time I had high anxiety I was able to apply some oils and breathe my way through it. My everyday anxieties have definitely lessened. My running has been very sporadic so I can't credit it to that and my eating habits haven't changed but I have continued to use the essential oils. I'd like to think it has something to do with them. A lot of people have questioned me about them. Are they really working/helping or is it just in my mind. Well, if they aren't and it's completely in my head then, they are working! :)

A couple weeks ago I started to get a cold, sore throat, congestion etc. As soon as I felt the symptoms come on I started applying my oils and within a day and a half the symptoms were completely gone! I was amazed. Then Friday, I started to get a sore throat and runny nose at work. I only had my regular oils with me so as soon as I got home I oiled myself up! The next day, yesterday, I woke up feeling terrible. I was out of a couple of the major oils I would use to help with my symptoms but happily they were on order and were delivered yesterday afternoon. Yay! This morning I woke up not much better. I continued to apply my oils and everytime I applied them I felt better. It is just like taking medicine, I could feel my nose drain, yes it was/is that fast, and I could breathe again. Ahhhh....  And with the draining of my nose my sinus pressure lessened and I felt some energy come back. I still feel badly but also better. However, just like medicine about an hour or 2 later I start to feel terrible again so I repeat the process. Don't get me wrong, the oils did not cure me, I still feel like I am in the middle of a cold but I can feel the benefits of the oils.

I have come to realize my expectations of the oils were to high. All the people who use them, swear by them and use statements like, "they changed my life" and "we keep the illness's away". So when I did indeed get this cold I am in the middle of, I was discouraged, I thought if I used the oils somehow I wouldn't get sick. Ha! I also thought, "ok, I am sick so lets "cure" this with these amazing oils". They are amazing but I should not have expected them to instantly make my cold disappear, because they won't. The are an alternative to over the counter medicine and everyone (that uses them) has their own testimonials on what worked for them. Sadly, it's trial and error, but it is so nice knowing I am not putting chemicals in my body. I do however, feel like the oils work faster and more effectively than cold medicine. And as an extra bonus, when I look like I feel (yuck) I also smell good (peppermint, lemon, and lavender)! ;)

However, the fact I do feel the benefits from them makes me a believe in them for what I have used them for so far.  They seem to be helping with my anxiety and depression (I have felt happier lately and had a better outlook on life too) and do temporarily relieve my symtoms of my cold. Peppermint has been my absolute go-to for when my tummy starts to feel funny. I just apply some on my stomach and within about 5 min my tummy feels better! Peppermint is the one oil, so far, that I will swear by. It is AMAZING. I am still learning a lot with them and trying out new oils but so far, I love them!