Full time

Welp, starting Monday I go back to work full time indefinitely. It sucks.

Nope. It effin' sucks.

I have pretty much every negative emotion about it. I am already having anxiety, stress and feeling sad and mad, more like pissed about it. Sure, it will be great to have a bigger paycheck and who can't use that but in reality I'd live on rice and beans, no problem, to stay home and have more time with Antonio. Going back full time means I won't able to volunteer regularly, no more bus stop drop offs/pick ups (which are always bittersweet), no more breakfast dates with him every morning, no more not stressing if Antonio is sick or daycare is closed, etc. For selfish reasons, I won't be able to run, bake, clean up and get errands done while he is at school. Weekends will be once again filled with errands and laundry instead of fun family time. Boo. We even went and saw Santa this afternoon mainly because I wasn't going to attempt that on a weekend.

I have been part time for almost 2 years and it has been amazing and I am very grateful for it. It has been so fun and heart filling bonding with Antonio. We've done so many fun things together and because of being part time he was able to go to Pre-K which was so, so good for him.

Why am I going back FT? Well my job share partner, Manny, is retiring tomorrow, Wednesday. Good for him but that the same time, damn him. :) I need to find a job share partner who isn't so old next time. Heck, I just need to just find a job share partner.

I'm a true introvert (this is a great explanation and spot on for me being an introvert!) and have a hard time being "on" for long periods of time. Down time is very much needed to "regroup" regularly. Starting Monday I will be back full time at work and my in-laws will be in town. It will be a long, exhausting (and hopefully fun) week. I am so excited for them to be in town; its always good for the soul but just wish I wasn't going back to FT hours the same week. Oh well.

Please pray the week goes well and I survive. Come Sunday, you'll find my house a mess and most likely me on the couch, still in my pjs not caring and having anxiety about going back to work that next Monday. The following week our new schedule will start where Antonio will be back at daycare full time. So mornings will come early and probably be rushed. I worry Antonio will struggle with the change. He already complains on Thursday's and Friday's about going to Ms. Rosemary's because he has to get up early. Sigh... We'll need even more good vibes then and that the change in routine goes smoothly. :)