Stuck in a rut

Running has been hard for me lately. Hard like it takes major mental convincing to get dressed to go run. And maybe a little bit a fear of not running and its side effects. When I do convince myself to run its a hard run. I get tired quickly, my breathing is much quicker and I just want to be done; like how I felt when I first started to run. I'm not sure why this is but it's frustrating. And that "runners high" that you get when your done...not so high lately. :/  What's even more strange is that I have been incorporating more veggies into my diet. Red pepper, carrots and cucumber to be exact. Almost everyday with lunch. So I am eating better yet feeling worse and more blah. Before you start to wonder, Mom, no I am not pregnant. I just get done with my period last week so in fact I should be feeling better.

Ever since we got back from California I have felt out of sorts. Tired, frustrated, emotional, mopey and just really not caring. :/ I chalked it up to PMS for the first week or so but that has come and gone and I'm still not feeling better. Then I started wondering if this SAD, Seasonal Affect Disorder, was a real thing (I know it's real but I'm pretty sure I've never "had" it). I mean I went from sunny and warm California to dark, dreary rainy days. Usually us PNWers are eased into the gloom and doom of Fall and Winter. But I went from low 70's and sun to low to mid 40's and clouds/rain. I don't know but maybe I got a little slice of SAD.

Or maybe it was the passing of my Aunt, that by the way I never did go see (major regret once again. one excuses after another.)? Then missing her funeral because I was in California. Maybe missing out on all of that bothered me more than I realize. As terrible as this sounds, it would have been an "easy" way to see a lot of that side of my family that I haven't seen in years, for most the number is double digit. :(

Or maybe this whole Preschool thing is weighing on me more that I realize? All Antonio talks about is going to a new preschool and I can't give that to him.

Or maybe it's the fact I still haven't found a part time job that meets my needs (they are pretty specific I will admitt) so I can stay home with Antonio...and take him to Preschool? I don't know.

Side note:
And by the way, for all those people that don't have jobs and say there aren't any.....I call BULL S%*T.  There are so many entry level jobs out there. I get call backs on ones that can only offer me minimum wage that I turn down because I need more than that. This whole, there are no jobs thing is ridiculous. If you are out of a job and have no income put aside your pride and get a job. Geez.

Ok, moving on....

Or maybe it is all of that combined (minus the "there are no jobs" rant.)? But it sucks. I've lost my "desire to run" feeling and I need it back because I've never been good at sticking with something I really don't like doing.  C'mon Spring and sunnier days. No matter if that is part of cause of this or not it wouldn't hurt!