Going back

They say the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Luckily for me it was.

They also say that you can never go back again.

Well I did and it was great.

This evening I went to a retirement party for one of my all-time favorite co-workers. It's bittersweet to have him retire only because I adore him so much and knew I could always go visit him at work if I needed a pick me up.

We worked closely together, we were the only 2 in the office, for at least 8 years. He could be my dad in age but he and I talked about such a variety of things, things I couldn't talk to even my closest about. We were so removed from each others lives, yet knew so much that we were perfect venting to each other. He gave me fatherly advice even when I didn't want to hear it. He is/was like a dad and best friend all at the same time. I truly disliked my job but he made the days great. He made me laugh so hard every day unlike anyone else, and kept me in reality. His stories?! They were so good.

I had to be there this evening, so I went even though for some reason I was crazy nervous. All the small talk that would potentially happen. And knowing that 95% of the people there would be men, mostly older men.

I went and you know what, I had a great time.

Granted after a glass of wine it was much easier. Ha.

I saw guys I hadn't seen since leaving MMCO 4 years ago. The best customers were there and mostly great ex co-workers from the company too. But it was good for my soul.

For the first time in awhile I felt confident and respected. I was even socializing.

Crazy, I know.

I was the only female there that was not a wife to one of the guys and it felt good. There have been other women that have come and gone but I was the only invited. I gave out many hugs to grown men who weren't sure how to take it. Complimented them, because they need it more than they say they do. Stories were told, 4 letter words were a plenty, back and forth banter was done and guys were genuinely glad to see me. In a room full of older contractor men, I was treated as an equal and felt like I belonged there.

Sliding back into that environment was surprisingly easy and I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was back there again. No, I would never go back to work there, especially now that my co-worker retired but for as many bad memories there I have just as many good ones. Ones I will keep forever.

I feel like I turned a leaf for myself and it felt good.


***Also, I was only asked once tonight if I was pregnant. 😐