God, are you there?

*First and foremost, please don't judge me (or this post). These are MY thoughts and beliefs only. I know some of you may not agree but thats ok. And lastly, I don't want to be "preached" to about any of this.


As some of you have read in Antonio's blog we finally decided to send Antonio to the school up the road from us instead of where he goes now. As mentioned, one of my favorite things about his current school is that he is learning about God, which he most definitely won't learn about in a public school. When I asked him yesterday if he knew what tomorrow (today) was (his day to spend with Papa) he responded with "chapel day at school." I asked what he does in chapel time and he happily said, "I learn about God.". That made my heart full. :)

After reading the post, one of my dearest and most faithful friends, texted me with, "Ya know, you could always take Antonio to church to learn about God. :)". She has a point, which then started a brief conversation via text about why I (we) don't go to church and it started me thinking.

A big part of it is that I am not really sure what I believe. I do believe in God but, is it only because that is what I was brought up to believe? I do believe there is something bigger than me/us but I am not exactly sure what. Then there's that "what denomination do I fall under?" question. I need a crash course on each one. What is the difference between each one?

I do believe we are equal and should be treated that way. I also strongly believe we should be able to love (and marry) whomever we want. I also believe in abortion but never as a form of birth control. I want to be able to drink wine/alcohol (as much as I want at any given time) without being frowned on or judged. I, 100%, believe everything happens for a reason. I would like to be able to become friends with people from a church and be able to have some conversations that never mention the subject God. I would like to "belong" to a church but not actually "go" to church. Does that make sense?

I would love to be able to send Antonio to Sunday school, leave him and then go back and pick him up later. Ha. Seriously though, the whole church thing is intimidating. All the praying, singing, preaching all at once is a bit much for me. I want to pray, think and talk about God whenever I want, in my own time and on my own terms; not specifically every Sunday for an hour. Yes, someday I'd like to attend a church but I don't want to ever force Albert, let alone Antonio to go with me. I do know that I don't have to go to church to have God love me or to go to Heaven.

Thank you Erin for never scolding me (for things I've done that I know you didn't agree with) or forcing me to believe what you believe. And thank you for always loving me for me enough to ask "those" questions without pushing. :)