Part time girl in a full time job

Starting April 1st I will be officially part time at work! But only by chance. 

This better NOT be a April Fools day joke.

As of April 1st the Burlington branch is closing and both employees that work at that location are losing their jobs...or maybe not. That's where I jump in. As you know I have been looking for a part time job that will give us enough income to be stable yet also allow me to stay home more with Antonio. As soon as I heard the news about the branch closing the wheels started turning. 

"I could work PT and the other guy, Manny, could work the other half of the day"

The more I got excited about the thought of it the more reality set in. Why would Manny agree to that? He is just about at retirement age and could just ride out unemployment and within a year retire. That would consist of him driving an hour (probably closer to 2) each way to work just for part time hours. Heck, I doubt I would even consider that. Does he like his job that much? But I had to try.

I casually messaged him to tell him I was sorry about the branch closing and asked him if he would just retire. He said he still really wanted to work. I asked him, "badly enough to drive to Mukilteo for work?" And to my surprise he said, "possibly." That was all the bait I needed to attempt to put my plan in action. We chatted a few more min about a possible plan that would keep his job and I could only work part time. I emailed our boss with our thoughts and he proposed it to upper management. To our surprise they agreed to it with only a few "issues". One being health insurance. They would not pay for both of but of course, that was ok because I get benefits through Albert's work. Phew. Also, we wouldn't get as much vacation time next year. Ok, fine. And sick pay would change, somewhat significantly but with working less hours that would be ok to. And no more shared work benefits through the state...boo but I figured that.

So Manny created a job share type schedule where I will work Monday/Tuesday and half day Wednesday and he will work the other half of Wednesday and then Thursday/Fridays! Then in September we will switch our work days so I can take Antonio to preschool! So he and I will fulfill a full time position as two part timers. And who know with that branch closing we may be busier this Summer and need a little extra help so that would come in handy!

I am beyond excited about this. :) Funny thing is, so is Manny. He claims that I am his hero and that i am saving his job when in reality he is helping me! Its a win-win! Lets just hope this all works out as we hope it will and that we stay busy enough through next Winter that we can make it work then as well. Next Christmas could be rough! Money will be a bit tighter, especially at first until we get used to it but in my opinion, so worth it. 

Now all my "idea's" I've been wanting to try/do with Antonio and all the little DIY stuff around the house may actually happen! I am also thrilled Antonio will get to go to preschool in the Fall. I am so excited for him! Now if we could find a way so Antonio didn't have to attend daycare as well we would be coming out on top! I know, one thing at a time. If that is meant to be I have to believe it will happen; after all this did! Keep praying (or sending good vibes, your choice) that it will all work out!

Stuck in a rut

Running has been hard for me lately. Hard like it takes major mental convincing to get dressed to go run. And maybe a little bit a fear of not running and its side effects. When I do convince myself to run its a hard run. I get tired quickly, my breathing is much quicker and I just want to be done; like how I felt when I first started to run. I'm not sure why this is but it's frustrating. And that "runners high" that you get when your done...not so high lately. :/  What's even more strange is that I have been incorporating more veggies into my diet. Red pepper, carrots and cucumber to be exact. Almost everyday with lunch. So I am eating better yet feeling worse and more blah. Before you start to wonder, Mom, no I am not pregnant. I just get done with my period last week so in fact I should be feeling better.

Ever since we got back from California I have felt out of sorts. Tired, frustrated, emotional, mopey and just really not caring. :/ I chalked it up to PMS for the first week or so but that has come and gone and I'm still not feeling better. Then I started wondering if this SAD, Seasonal Affect Disorder, was a real thing (I know it's real but I'm pretty sure I've never "had" it). I mean I went from sunny and warm California to dark, dreary rainy days. Usually us PNWers are eased into the gloom and doom of Fall and Winter. But I went from low 70's and sun to low to mid 40's and clouds/rain. I don't know but maybe I got a little slice of SAD.

Or maybe it was the passing of my Aunt, that by the way I never did go see (major regret once again. one excuses after another.)? Then missing her funeral because I was in California. Maybe missing out on all of that bothered me more than I realize. As terrible as this sounds, it would have been an "easy" way to see a lot of that side of my family that I haven't seen in years, for most the number is double digit. :(

Or maybe this whole Preschool thing is weighing on me more that I realize? All Antonio talks about is going to a new preschool and I can't give that to him.

Or maybe it's the fact I still haven't found a part time job that meets my needs (they are pretty specific I will admitt) so I can stay home with Antonio...and take him to Preschool? I don't know.

Side note:
And by the way, for all those people that don't have jobs and say there aren't any.....I call BULL S%*T.  There are so many entry level jobs out there. I get call backs on ones that can only offer me minimum wage that I turn down because I need more than that. This whole, there are no jobs thing is ridiculous. If you are out of a job and have no income put aside your pride and get a job. Geez.

Ok, moving on....

Or maybe it is all of that combined (minus the "there are no jobs" rant.)? But it sucks. I've lost my "desire to run" feeling and I need it back because I've never been good at sticking with something I really don't like doing.  C'mon Spring and sunnier days. No matter if that is part of cause of this or not it wouldn't hurt!

You know your a runner when...

You know your a runner when you notice the days are getting longer (hence it stays lighter longer). I'm not excited because it means Summer is coming, but that is means I will soon be able to come home an run...outside!! I so prefer to run outside rather than a treadmill. So when driving home from swimming tonight around 6, I noticed it was light enough to be able to possibily finishing a run, outside. I became excited, very excited. Maybe in a couple weeks I'll be running outside, at home, after work again. I cannot wait!

I've never been good with death.

It's true.

But then again who is?

You'd think I'd have it down with losing my Dad, and both sets of Grandparents. But you see I'm not. In fact if you tell me you are terminally ill or are dying I will stay far away. In fact I most likely will subconsciously find reason not to see you. So don't take it personally. ;)

When my Dad was dying I remember refusing to go in his room to see him. I remember refusing to go in and just crying outside his room. Apparently it took a McDonalds bribe to get me to go in, and even then I wasn't very willing.  He and I sat together and enjoyed his favorite, french fries dipped in a chocolate milkshake. Mmm mmm, so good; don't knock it until you try it! It was the last time I ever saw him, in fact I was told he passed away shortly after that. I guess he needed that and so did I. I just didn't know it then. Granted I was like, 11, but still, he was my Dad and he was dying. The least I could have done was spend time with him. I completely and wholeheartedly regret that.

Then my Grandpa died a few years ago. We knew it was coming yet there was always a reason I couldn't go see him. Next my Grandma passed away right after Antonio was born. Again, we knew it was going to happen. In fact, for a good week before she passed I was "meaning" to go see her but never made time. Again, full of regret. :(  I always seem to distant myself from death, even just the near possibility of death. I guess if I don't see the person "dying" then it isn't happening and wont happen. They just "go away"for a long time. :/

My Aunt Barbara, who is my Dad's sister, has been in the hospital the past couple weeks due to an infection that is on her mitral valve in her heart. She had an infection that was wrapped around her spinal cord but they did surgery to remove that. They can't remove the one on her valve because she hasn't been strong enough. She has in turn, had couple strokes because of it, in fact it looks like another one just this week. The most recent update from my cousin Sheri, is that the infection has spread throughout her body and brain. Her body is trying to "fix itself" and her kidneys are starting to shut down.  She has a DNR (do not resuscitate) on her medical records if it comes to it.  The doctors put her on a morphine drip to keep her comfortable, by her choice. Apparently she understands what is going on and "is tried of fighting. She is ready."

This makes me so sad. I haven't seen my aunt since my baby shower and before that? I have no idea. But for some reason I feel the need to go see her. Weird I know, considering it doesn't sound good for her. But she's my Aunt and I should. Also, maybe because she is my Dad's sister and it would be some sort of connection to him. I have no idea. (Ever since Antonio was born I have craved information, stories anything more about my Dad.) She's been so out of it and sleeping so much having visitors hasn't really been a good idea. There is a good chance she wouldn't even know who I was, but I still feel compelled to see her, even if only for 5 min.

I'm not sure how I feel/think about what happens after we die but if there is a party afterwards I'm pretty sure she will see my Dad. Its that connection to him that is maybe why I feel the need to see her.  So she can tell him that I love him and miss him terribly; every single day. And that I am ok. That actually sounds like a pretty selfish reason to want to see her....

Please pray my Aunt fights this, gets out of the hospital and continues to live for many years. Also, pray for my cousin Sheri who has been there for her, my Aunt, and kept us so well updated. This has to be so hard on her as well.

Proud

I had a proud of me moment.

I had a dr. appointment last week, just a general physical. The nurse took all my stats and all were good. Yay. Then the doctor came in and after the "pleasantries" (hi, how are you, how are you doing etc) she said, " Do you exercise?" and I thought, of geez, yeah, I know I need to do more, blah, blah, blah. It is what I always get told, always. And yes, I know it's their job to gently, some more gently than others,  remind us all to exercise. But it gets old and I have always heard about how I should.

However, this time it was good.

I responded, "Yes, I try to.  I try to run at least a couple miles a couple times a week." She then, by my surprise, said, "I can tell. You have lost 11lbs since last time you were here." I was last there October 2011 (I was a bit overdue for my appointment). Sure enough, the few times I had been in and weighed in between showed my progress as well. And since September 25th, 2012 ( I had started really running that August) I have lost 7lbs! I was pretty proud of myself. I guess she was asking to make sure I wasn't on crack or something. Granted if I were I would have lost a lot more. Ha! So instead of telling me to exercise more she said, "Keep it up." :) Then since she couldn't lecture me on exercising she told me I should make sure I am eating healthy diet. If its not one thing its another!

But still.

I was feeling pretty good about that. It helped kick start my desire to keep running. I want to keep losing or at least maintain what I have already done! For me, continuously losing for a year is impressive! I gotta lace up those running shoes and Go!  :)

Caution..potentially to much information...

You were warned. :)

As you know I, we, were sick for about a week so there was no running for about a week and a half. Before that was the holidays and all  the food that goes along with that. I was feeling pretty crappy. I had gone on a good run right after the new year and thought I had started the new year off on a good foot; then we got sick. I wasn't going to let that get in my way; I couldn't.

I went on a couple short runs. I felt so out of breath and shape even though they were my regular route and shorter. That got me discouraged, very discouraged and unmotivated. I went to the gym for a run (on the treadmill) and it pretty much kicked my butt. I forgot how hard it was. And my pants were fitting a little more snug than normal which made me feel even worse. The little bit of running I was doing didn't seem to be helping anything. Then, because I am an emotional eater, I found myself wanting (and eating) sweets; a lot of them. It didn't help that we celebrated 3 birthdays in less than two weeks which meant a lot of cake and well you can't turn down birthday cake; that's just rude. ;)  Well, I can't at least. That just fueled my cravings. :/

I started to feel fat.

I tried drinking more water than my normal amounts and that seemed to only make me feel bloated. Which did not help. My pants were officially feeling to snug and I had no interest in eating "healthier" food. Double/triple/quadruple whammy!

Then I started my period. AHA! As Oprah says, it was my "Aha" moment! :)  That is what all "this" is about. It makes perfect sense now! Mind you, this never crossed my mind because that would make me  a little over a week early. I am a pretty regular girl so this didn't seem like a possibility. And, I had none of my normal crankiness/emotional crap that always goes a long with it.

Now that I know I haven't gained a bunch of weight like I thought (and even though the scale didn't say I had). I suddenly felt better. I went to the gym yesterday and had a good run (it was still hard but I felt good instead of dead and fat afterwards) and didn't crave/want to sit and eat crap! It was nice. Even my pants fit differently! Yay! Big sigh of relief. My life-long roller coaster ride of losing, then gaining, then losing then gaining again wasn't continuing. At least not yet.

Its bizarre that when I was feeling fat, I had no motivation to go run, let alone eat better. But now that I know what caused me to feel that way I do want to run and eat better. Humph. Such a mental game with me. You'd think after all the running I've done I would want to go run to get that motivation and "feeling good" back even more but nope. Not at all.

And that, that scared me.

If I slip up and gain weight and let it even begin to spiral out of control, I could be doomed. The scale never showed that I had actually gained any weight, maybe a pound but that is it. Yet I was still convinced that I had; it (the scale) must be wrong. I mean my pants were so snug. :/

I have found (awhile back) a couple quotes I liked that I need to print out and keep visible so I can remind myself that I can't so I won't derail.

And

And

The last one is my favorite I think, because it is SO true. Even on days I only run a short amount, it is better that not! Running has been so good for me. It's helped me loose, during the holidays maintain, my weight. And it feels so good to breath in all the clean (except when a truck or old car passes you with stinky exhaust, I hate that!) fresh air and just clear my mind.

Now, if this rain will just let up so I can go run!

Get moving.

We are big Biggest Loser fans. We've watched every episode since Sami, er, I mean Alison Sweeney became the host, so for awhile. They're mantra for this season seems to be "Get Moving" and they "Challenge America" to also get moving.

So as you know I have been fighting the crud that's apparently been running ramped everywhere. Antonio is pretty much done with it and I seem to be on the tail end of it; thankfully! I have watched Albert leave to go on runs in the BEAUTIFUL weather that we have been having and I have had major runners envy. This morning I woke and felt pretty good; tired but good. So we watched the game (I blame Antonio for the outcome because from the beginning he said he wanted the "red guys" to win, even after explaining to him the Seahawks were in white. :/), had lunch then Albert insisted I go out for a jog. I was hesitant because I wanted to go "good run" but he reminded me that even if I go just for a mile or two at least I went. And even if I walked most of the way, it was better to get out, breathe in the fresh air and  move  than not going at all.

He had a point.

So, I changed, put on my new running shoes and walked out the front door. Man it was cold but the fresh air felt amazing. I walked out to the main road and decided I would jog, a slow  and easy jog to see how it felt. It felt great! As I picked up a little in pace I was breathing deeper and it felt even better to have the cool fresh air filing my lungs. (This is one of my favorite parts of running outside and one of the main reasons I run.)

Ahhh...I felt amazing. I jogged, quickly, for about a mile and the "crud" feeling came back. My legs started feeling tired, as if I had run 4 miles already and I knew I needed to slow my pace down and so I did. But that mile of jogging felt awesome. :)

I ended up running, well jogging, for about a mile and walking for about a mile. Instead of feeling discouraged I decided to be happy that I got out and "moved".  Any calories burned are just that, calories burned!  From my chest up I feel great but my legs are tired and kindly reminding me that I am still not 100% and to not get to carried away!

So, I challenge YOU to just "get moving". Doesn't matter if you run, bike, yoga or walk; just get moving! Take your husband, boyfriend, kid(s), dog or just yourself on a walk; long or short, it doesn't matter. :)

This will be my one, and most likely only, post to get you, encourage you, to get moving or do anything for that matter. I promise.  I will, however, leave you with a link to a blog post that I find pretty inspirational and "moving" (haha...get it? moving, emotionally moving..ok sorry.).

http://flintland.blogspot.com/2012/05/hey-fat-girl.html